Its 10:47 pm
So what was supposed to be a somewhat joyous day has turned into a long day of uncertainty. I was supposed to be able to bring my Lori today. I called her and she said she was ready to go...but she had yet to see the medical team to get the official thumbs up for a discharge.
I had to call off from work because we don't have anyone else whom I feel comfortable placing her with as far as picking her up. I have people I trust,but with her medical issues,I wouldn't want to put them in that position in case something went wrong...I got there at 2 pm and asked how she felt,if she had eaten anything. She said she had been drinking a warm cup of Ensure,she had eaten tomato soup last night and had thrown it up. I started getting a sinking feeling in my stomach,this was not good news. That and the fact she hadn't dressed sort of tipped me off I would be driving home alone tonight.
We talked about eating,Lori is now scared to eat,scared to throw up....scared of having the neogastric tube put in place. I do understand that,I just know unless she can eat something and hold it,she isn't going to be able to come home. She agreed to let me order some tomato soup again...seems like the doctors were waiting on how well she would do with some food before possibly discharging her.
The team came in and talked with us,they showed the IV equipment that would have to go with me today. We talked meds and dosages and introducing a new med called Tamoxifen which in theory is supposed to help block any new growth of her tumor. In reading about it,I commented to Lori that it has a nasty side effect,it can cause cancer. We both laughed gently at this...anyways,the team said they wanted to hold Lori one more night. After they left,she threw up a small patch of bile and said her stomach was hurting.
I feel extremely defeated as I write this...I know now I waited too long before get her into the E.R.,but what the hell was I going to do...I was trying to follow the doctors orders in getting her to drink/eat before taking her meds. I had no way knowing that she was getting a partial bowel obstruction...I know if I had waited another day or so,I may have killed her...which is something that is gnawing on my heart right now.
I tried getting her to take a walk with me but she wasn't feeling up to it....so she slept while I packed up the medical supplies and excess stuff that she now had and took it to the car. I came back and just watched her sleep,my heart is breaking into so many pieces right now...I'm really trying to hold on to my self,to stay strong but its so sad watching this to a great person like Lori....its so not right,words that have spoken by so many families who have lost loved ones to this monster.
Finally it was time for me to go,I gave her a kiss goodnight and came home to a empty house once again.
I unloaded the car,put the medicine in the fridge,ate a bowl of sloppy joes that my neighbor made for me and then did a load of laundry...I also called the hospital and left a message for Dr. Schenk to call me,I want her to tell Lori that its okay to push a little harder as far as eating goes.
Talked for an hour with my brother Philip,he really is hurting along with me. He loves Lori and told me he looks for the same sweet spirit in a woman that Lori has...of course that made me cry...
We talked about a lot of things,he told me again if I needed him just to call and he would be here but I am going to have to keep that in reserve because the hard work has yet to be crossed.
Seems like a local journalist who we like quite a bit found himself in some hot water this past weekend. Fox 2 reporter Charlie LeDuff,who specialty is exposing city government screw ups found himself drunk during a St. Patrick's Day parade in Corktown,the Irish section of Detroit. He was spotted taking a public piss in the street,a local group who was having a party,got him off the street and invited Charlie and his brother to relax with him. Charlie then said some crude things to three women who happen to be policewomen. When the host tried to calm Charlie down,a big fight broke out in which a security guard was bitten by Charlie.
Now we are waiting to see how Channel 2 handles this,especially since another local station decided to report on it,thus turning up the heat on the GM of Fox 2. Charlie admitted he most likely had too much to drink and caused some sort of ruckus. Sort of interesting that another local station is airing out this kind of story about another reporter,thought there would be sort of a unspoken rule about not doing this....but then again,what do I know?
Alright then.....I'm heading to sleep now. My emotional gas tank is at zero....please continue to pray for us.
Thanks for reading!
Debbie T. - Thank you for reading every entry.