My birthday week and a 30 Day Challenge

It is 8:45 pm

     It's a beautiful warm summer day in SE Michigan. The cheetah is downstairs looking out through his window,he was waiting for me to come home because he knows its canned catfood night. He was meowing,, roaring when I came home to feed him.
Got ESPN3 going on the computer listening to the UAPB-Texas State football replay...


Its been a while since I wrote so this might take a while...its been a up and down week.

I turned 50 on 26 August....normally a reason for a celebration with loved ones and friends...but instead the day found me over at St. Thomas a 'Beckett talking to Debbie Miller. It had been three months since I last talked to my regular grief therapist,Becka,from Arbor Hospice. My time with her was only supposed to officially last a year but Becka extended it to 14 months.

  Three weeks ago found me in a most difficult time as I was in a bad way and pretty close to walking off this mortal coil. I came out the other side hurting pretty badly but knowing I needed to talk to someone. So I reached out to Debbie and set up a appointment.
   Coming into her office,I saw it had been changed around a bit from the last time I had been there.
We started our session and I shared with her where I was at,she seemed to get a little edgy at this and I picked up on this but what could I do? I am just being honest,Lori and my bond was that tight. She asked me a strange question,she asked me if I thought I put myself in that box as she put it.
   While that is not the case because as everyone who has lost a spouse or a loved,the journey is different. I do NOT want to sit here in this sadness,if I did,then why is the point of even staying alive? Who desires to live with only half of you being able to function at any level? I thought it was asked with tinge of anger and now I am feeling uncomfortable with this line of questions when Debbie stops the session. She looked past me and said that I wouldn't have know this but her husband had died in May. He had a massive heart attack and had held on for a month before being placed on life support. It was Debbie who had to make the call to let her husband go.

 And just like that,it made perfect sense...why the questions,why the anger. I said I was sorry and said I wish I could tell you something,give you some advice but I can't. She said "I am glad,I don't want to hear any advice".
   She said "I want to know how are you are going to start moving on". Well my face must have said it all because she retracted that statement and said it wasn't then term she wanted to use.
I said I was glad because I really hate that term and said you will come to detest it as well.
 We talked about what plans God has for us,I struggle with that question everyday. There has to be a purpose and some days I see it and other days I simply see nothing. I know this will always be with me or anyone else going through this.

 The session for all intent and purposes was over as we talked about what happened to her husband. He complete blockage of one aorta and 95% of the other,Debbie said they call a "widowmaker" as mostly men suffer from this type of heart attack. She mentioned the month after her husband had died,his sister suffered the same type of heart attack but survived. Just another strange twist to the tale.
   I must admit,I am surprised,Debbie said she took two months off before coming back to work,that she came back so quickly sort of concerns me a lot. As a pastor of a large parish,the different types of emotions she has to deal with every day is rough as it is but doing so with a such a heavy loss.....I don't know....but I do know I will be doing my part by not going back and instead will look for someone else to talk to.

  The rest of the day was nice,was treated to lunch and some running around before coming back home.
Wednesday was another quiet day as I spent the day doing chores. My friend Sue had called the night before to take me to dinner on Wednesday but I suggested we do pizza and watch the first college football game of 2014.

  Sue loves football and so it was a easy choice....so that is how we spent my birthday on Wednesday. The game was Abilene Christian at Georgia State. The game was pretty exciting as it came it down to the last 4 seconds before GSU kicked a field goal and won,38-37. It was a fun way to start the season.
  Thursday morning saw me getting up pretty early to make the trek into Detroit to meet up with Lori's best friend and bridesmaid,Deb. She surprised me with a ticket to see Derek Jeter's last baseball game against the Tigers.

  I caught a ride with Marlene who works downtown and we made it downtown is 45 minutes. Traffic was pretty light and soon enough I was camped out at Tim Horton's drinking coffee. I peeked outside at a park where the annual Detroit Jazz Festival was being set up for the four day holiday. The festival attracts world class musical talent and its also free.

  I saw a few musicians walking about,many would be busking later on during the day. I sat back,enjoyed my coffee and people watched until Deb made to downtown.
We walked through downtown and looked at the light rail being built. This truly is what Detroit needs. The roads going through the heart of the city are narrow and cramped and parking downtown can be a circus. The light rail,just as it did in San Jose,will bring relief to those folks heading to a event.
  Deb took me to the The Hudson Cafe,a big,airy room which specializes in breakfasts. The food was excellent and very reasonably priced as well. Deb had mentioned that coming here on the weekends was pretty impossible as the lines waiting to get in are pretty long. Well on a early Thursday,the room was only maybe half full and the service was fast and friendly.

  We walked towards Comerica Park and soon we saw other fans heading the same way. We stopped at a sports merch place to look at hats....they didn't have any Yankees caps for some reason and the Tiger caps were 35.00,a little rich for my blood.
  We came out and finished walking to the ballpark,the crowds weren't too bad at the gate and the mood was pretty festive. There were as many Yankees shirts and jerseys as there were Tiger ones. Deb looked pretty nifty in her Rick Porcello jersey I have to say...it felt strange to see the park in the daylight and also without Lori. She loved baseball and we always had a good time at the games we went to.

  Since the game was a "get away" game for the Tigers,there wasn't any infield practice or batting practice as well. We did wait for an hour behind the Yankees dugout hoping for a glimpse of Derek Jeter but other then the pitchers getting their running in,only Chase Headley and Ichiro came out.
 The day was perfect and the game was pretty exciting,turned into a pitching duel and Brad Ausmus out managed Joe Giraldi. The Tigers pulled out the game in the bottom of the 9th,3-2.
   The battle to escape downtown was the normal Detroit nightmare,narrow roads,crappy drivers and the light construction made it an adventure to get out.
  We made it to Michigan Ave. and headed home...as we were,we passed by a location shoot on the Batman/Superman movie being shot at a local deli. Overall it was a very special day and I am extremely thankful to Deb for taking me.
 
 Got home in time to get ready for the college football season opener as San Jose State took on FCS squad North Dakota. Last year I watched the game against Sacramento State and was completely bummed as despite SJSU won,24-0,it was a ugly,boring win. This year,with a new look defense and some real talent running the ball,SJSU took care of business and blew out the Fighting Sioux,42-10.
 The passing game needs a lot of work and our best tailback was suspended for this game and the one against 5th ranked Auburn this weekend. The defense was fast and much more effective...plus no real serious injuries. Which is a good thing as the Spartans will need every single player in playing the best team they have seen since played Alabama in 2008. The spread is 31 points so there isn't many who think SJSU can pull off the huge upset.
  The game will be broadcast nationally on ESPN 2,hoping for a minor miracle...would be quite a coup to win!!
    Joining the gym this week,feel much more into it this time as a couple of others at my work have joined so am hoping to get a good routine going. The city I live in has a nice trail system and they just completed linking up the main trails with the one right by the house.



  I actually decided to take my first walk down the new trail this afternoon...got about a quarter mile into it and noticed an overcast sky was turning darker so I decided not to risk it and headed back...just as I got to the Rodger Young,it started sprinkling lightly...drove home in about 5 minutes and as I pulled into my driveway,the heavens opened up and a thunderstorm dropped quite a bit of rain...
Seems like our weather is turning into Florida's weather...hot,humid and then it rains. Could always be worse...be hot with NO rain.
  But tomorrow is another day and I will try and walk the trail again.

My friend Brad started something a while ago on his FB page,he started listing 5 good things everyday that occurs in his life,some are small and some are big but he lists something every single day. I always thought it was a neat idea when he first started it but I have to admit,I find it very,very hard to find things to be happy about. Trying to find 5???? I love to but just isn't there yet.

  Then a very nice person named Jennifer Blanc-Biehn started a 30 day challenge starting in September and I decided to give it a shot...I started out posting on my FB wall but since I decided to post here instead.
 Here is my list so far

Day 1
I am grateful for my brothers Phillip and Monte. You two have really been so supportive with talking to me at anytime,

I am grateful for my job. The job itself isn't that great but the people I work with kick butt!

I am grateful for my cheetah,Paladin. He has been a joy..he makes me laugh every day on some level.

Day 2
1. Grateful for my good friend William Clark who I met while starting my first blog. 
Not only is he a true fan boy but loves baseball almost as much as I do. I am taking this time to wish him a most happy birthday!!

2. Grateful I have a home to come to. While it can be a lonely place to come home to,its a nice house and I am glad I live in a quiet neighborhood.

3. Grateful for having the passion to read pretty much anything put in front of me. I am not picky on what I read as long as I have a book with me.


Day 3
1. I am grateful to my friend Michael Hoover (R.I.P.) who let me read his vast collection of books and comics. It was because of Michael,that I became a fanboy. 

2. I am grateful to Joe Kelly. It was through Joe that I got my start in the music business. I helped him break down the stage and he got me hired on as a doorman at Marsugi's. He also got me hooked on the Simpsons as well. 

3. I am grateful to the hardy daisies that keep coming back to bloom every year.
Its a nice treat to walk outside to a a bushel of flowers solaring in the sun!!

Day 4

1 Glad that I am getting to join a gym again. The first around wasn't so fun but I think this will be more my speed. What a nice birthday gift!!! 

2. Discovering new writers,well at least to me. Read my first Elmer Kelton novel this past week,Kelton was a prolific writer of Westerns. I only discovered him because one of his collections was at my local Dollar Tree. 

3. Speaking of Dollar Tree,I am grateful my store has customers who enjoy reading. Because of this,our store has a high turnover rate of books which in turns leads to fresh titles. This isn't always the case at other stores where they have the same old musty books for months on end.


 Okay,I am going to post this and hit the hay. Thank you for reading this and feel to drop a comment.

If you are on Twitter,follow me @Jinzo_2400


shout outs

San Jose State - We believe!
Sue,Cheryl and Deb - Thank you for my birthday week.
Marlene- thank you for letting me Crash sit next weekend!!
Jennifer- thanks for the 30 Day challenge! Its been fun so far!
Hello Kitty - We know you are a cat.
Donna - sending you light and peace
Rome - we got it right with the Rock as Black Adam!! Could be very bad-ass!

What my heart is feeling.....

It's 7:50 am

Her Bright Smile Haunts Me Still

Its been a year since last we met
We may never meet again
I have struggled to forget
But the struggle was in vain

For her voice lives on the breeze
And her spirit comes at will
In the midnight on the seas
Her bright smile haunts me still

In the midnight on the seas
Her bright smile haunts me still

I have sailed a falling sky
I have charted hazard’s path
I have seen the storm arise
Like a giant in his wrath

Every danger I have known
That a reckless life can fill
Though her presence is now flown
Her bright smile haunts me still

Though her presence is now flown
Her bright smile haunts me still

At the first sweet dawn of light
When I gaze upon the deep
Her form still greets my sight
While the stars their vigil keep

When I close my aching eyes
Sweet dreams my memory fill
And from sleep when I arise
Her bright smile haunts me still

And from sleep when I arise
Her bright smile haunts me still

- traditional,American.

After the week I have had,I am living but I am still not alive.

A trip around the block....

Its 4:24 am




  So you are looking at this and wondering....what the blue blazes is this?

When Lori was in her final stages of her cancer journey,I was the person who administered her medications.
Be it a IV drip,norco,tamoxifen or liquid morphine,I was the one giving it to Lori. I was very faithful to her schedule and when I needed help,her oncology team was extremely supportive in walking me through what I needed and when the time came for hospice,the transition was pretty easy.
   After my lovely wife went to her reward,I was left with what do with the extra meds I had left over..I have blogged about my options,I could turn them into the police or toss them out...or even a flush them down the toilet. Those options were no options,the police really didn't want to have deal with disposal,you can't just toss away heavy narcotics away in the trash and certainly there was no way I was going to flush them.
  So that left me with one idea,to create enough coffee grounds that I could grind/pour the meds into the bowl and then toss them safely out.

  Funny thing happened to my plan,the bowl just kept growing and growing in size as I just kept on making excuses and reasons on why I haven't done this as of yet.
  So you are looking at every and I mean every pot of coffee that I brewed since May 2013. And no,I still haven't tossed away her meds as of yet. I am sure some shrink would have a answer for this...

 Got a knock on my door the other day...it was my neighbor's son who's bike I have been "keeping" ever since he left it outside against his mother's wishes. The parents and I both agreed that the son should write a letter of apology to the mom for disobeying her and leaving his brand new bike unattended to like that.
 This incident happened on 18 June and only yesterday had he come over with the letter. I had suggested to him he should write the letter two days after I had the bike. I told his folks my idea and they liked it a lot.

  But nothing happened so I hired the boys to help me do a project and again suggested a letter would be in order. He said he would and I talked to his mom about it again...but still heard nothing. I was a little confused about why he wasn't writing it,I knew it wasn't because he didn't care or respect his folks...so when he showed up and explained he had been gone two weeks on a camping trip,it made perfect sense. Hard to bring over a letter when you are 1,500 miles away!
   So I gave another mini lecture and gave back his bike and helmet and also put his letter on my fridge as a reminder that I would not see his bike outside again.

I am very down these days,I can feel my sadness and depression closing in around me. The long overnights at my job are ending just in time for me,I am getting beat up by the quiet once my co-workers go home at midnight. We still have people working,its just they are elsewhere in the store and we work alone pretty much after midnight.

  My energy and emotional levels are down,these three months are just the worst in terms of pure memories.
Death,union,birth...all swirling in my heart,far too many times as of late I have come home and just stared at where Lori's hospice bed was at...and going back to the times I sat with her,or giving her a drink,IV drip or a norco (a pain med). I asked a co-worker whose own wife has a very serious case of Trigeminal neuralgia
that he deals with on a daily basis,I asked him "When was the last time you were happy"? A simple question and my answer is as well...the last day I felt happy was the day before Lori's illness was discovered. I have ran the gamut of emotions ever since but truly happy wasn't one. I have been hopeful,thankful,loving,caring,angry,heartbroken, even peaceful in some respects but a wake up happy and go to bed happy day?

  Lori would have been 55 come the 25th of July...I know she would have wanted to travel somewhere fun,maybe a return trip to Washington,D.C. or somewhere south of here. Well,I can't afford nor am I in a mood for that but I can continue to do home improvements as I have been doing this week.
  My buddy Rich came back over today and we caulked the garage,cut away a dead heavy vine,cleaned the gutters and measured out where I am going to have to put in a board. Also went to spray some carpenter bees but ran out of spray so that will have to wait til tomorrow morning when I go get the supplies.
  Half of my basement is now clean and I am ready to tackle the Christmas side and the basement table as well. Of course the cheetah likes to come down and hang out with me while that is happening. He sits in the corner,purrs loudly and meows a few times as well....I believe this is called being supervised.
 
  The weekend of the 4th of July,the crew at work was talking about fireworks and how every year there is always someone careless who does something stupid. Everyone started telling stories about people they either knew or read about who managed to go to the extreme on the 4th.
   Lucky for me,I have never actually known anyone personally who did something that goofy (as I pat the BB still lodged in my jaw). I heard about a neighborhood kid who was hurt when he put firecrackers under a ceramic flowerpot that blew up in his face and when Lori and I lived in Northville,a man who lived not that far away ended blowing 3 fingers off his hand...and the guy in California (where else) who blew off BOTH hands fooling around with fireworks just this past week.

   Every year our local media nationwide always harp on the public to keep it safe and avoid the crippling or even fatal injuries that go along with being careless about handling fireworks. That includes house fires as well as shooting bullets in the air (a Detroit tradition).
  So it was a surprise to hear about a local weatherman for our ABC local station in Detroit,Dave Rexroth,who was in Iowa for the holiday,was seriously injured when a firework either blew up by his face or he was hit in the face by a flying firework. Either way,he was in the wrong place at the wrong time and ended losing a eye in the accident. He still currently in the hospital where he is having surgery to put in a prosthetic eye and will be off the air until September.
  He is one of the favorite media folks in our area and in that regard,I hope he recovers quickly and is able to resume his duties at Channel 7.



 Found out that I missed the local DVD sale at my Dollar Tree. I stopped by there to pick up some household supplies and checked the small DVD area only to see fresh movies. I poked through them picking up every new title I saw regardless of what it is.
  Since I have a lot of new readers,let me introduce you to what Dollar Tree Theater is. You can click the link or know that Lori and I loved Dollar Tree. About twice a year,the chain will sell DVDs for a buck.  Many are older films you may have heard of,there are a even a few DVD sets of TV series (I picked up the series "Daybreak" at one sale) but most are low budget obscure films that no one saw. Once in a blue moon,you might find a recent release like "Red Light"..it just depends on lucky you are when you stumble across the rare sale.

   I buy every single title I see whether I know it or not,many times I will just put it on for background noise while I putter away. And sometimes I actually sit down and watch it. But my store had been pretty much wiped out so I got only four films...decided to cruise to another store a couple of miles away where I had more luck with finding 7 movies including a Japanese anime film which was a first.
  It was then that I found out just how long it had been since I had actually stopped by as the clerk said the DVDs had come in a month ago and that I was getting the dregs...I sort of guessed that when I saw the Jessica Simpson movie "Blonde Ambition" sitting in the bin and yes,I bought a copy. I wonder if I could get paid for reviewing these old chestnuts.

  I like to extend a invite to all the new folks who have come across the blog to join my Networked Blogs group or via the Google Friend Connect which are on the side of the blog.  Also,please take a minute to explore some of the writers I follow which include my friend Sydney who is a special young lady who writes a raw and personal blog like this one.

Well I guess that is it for now.....again,thanks to everyone who supported my Food Stamp Nation entry and left some great feedback.

If you are on Twitter,please feel free to add me @Jinzo_2400. Love to sweep tweets with you.


Shout Outs

Lisa Adams - Love and light to you.
Rob W. - Thanks for another late night chat...and for sharing. We can do this.
Sue E. - Thanks for the company always...hope you enjoy the Sherlock Holmes series as much as I did.
Barb - Thank you again!
Rich - Finally feel like our repairs are going to make a real difference
Jack - Hope your back feels better soon
Dollar Tree - thanks for the DVD sale,do it again soon!
Monique Parent - stay cool in Vegas
Huron Valley Animal Shelter - for all the hard work the folks there do,you guys rock
To everyone who leaves a comment - you rock as well!!
Debbie R - java!

Talking about grief (and paying your own way)

Its 10:19 pm

Thanks to the lovely Morgan Fairchild for my topic and to Michelle,Melissa and Suzanne for keeping me company.


  My computer is finally fixed. I took it to Polygon Computers,its where we went twice before when the computer was not working. Its has been about 18 months since I was last in. I carried the computer in and Mr. Li was there working as usual. As I was setting up the computer,he asked how I have been doing. I mentioned that last time I was in,that Lori was sick and that she had passed away. He said..."Yes,she had uterine cancer,right"? I was amazed...and said as much. He said he remembered me...he then proceeded to start looking at my machine. I made arrangements to come back and pick it later that afternoon and headed home.
   I got back at 3:00 pm and he had not only cleaned it up,he said I had deleted my own security suite and that it was pretty virused out. I honestly couldn't tell you when I did that but am I surprised? No,not really.
He also boosted my memory as well so I won't bog down anymore. That always happened when we had two or more tabs open but with more memory,its letting me keep 3 tabs open right now.
  As Mr. Li was explaining what he did,he got a phone call from a person who wanted to bring his computer down so Mr. Li could install a game for him. Instead,Mr. Li patiently explained how to do it over the phone. After he was finished,I commented how he could have had the guy come down and made some money instead of helping him for free on the phone. I think it was very kind of him to do that...even more so when Mr. Li had said business was very slow for him and he could have used the business.
 He asked if I wanted to pay him for his service and I said without a doubt. He said it would be 50.00 but I know from the other times,he charged 75.00 and I said I wanted to pay the 75.00 and whatever the memory addition would be. Its only fair,I mean,I couldn't have fixed it on my own...and Mr. Li needs money to pay for his shop which is off the beaten path here in my town.
  He said the memory was free and was thankful for the 75.00. He mentioned how Indians were always trying to undercut his prices,trying to get "deals". It pisses me off when I see that....the man is by himself,struggling to keep his small business going. No one forced these Indians to his shop,you go there,you better be ready to pay the fair price. Haggling is great at a flea market or a yard sale....but not at a small business,its very disrespectful.


Today is the 21st of January. Its been eight months since Lori Ann has been gone. Last Sunday I plugged my video camera that she had gotten me our last Christmas together. I knew I had two videos of our last days together when she was in hospice. Our friend Cheryl recorded us as Lori slept and I held her hand. I talked about we met and other things. I had actually forgotten that I had recorded a visit during our last month when her brother and his wife along with her best friend and her boyfriend. The video was so sweet but overwhelming emotionally. I made it through 6 minutes before having to turn it off. Seeing her alive,even in her advanced stage was just crushing. It brought back everything in focus and I wept for a long time.
  After I brought home the computer and plugged it in,I got a call from my grief therapist Becca, from Arbor Hospice.
  We talked about the video and the fact that everyone I talked to in the two days since I looked at the video told me that they couldn't look at videos. Pictures were good and one said the funeral service was something they could handle but videos....no way,no how. It made me feel better about that,that I wasn't alone in how I felt in watching it.
  I had to call Sony for a replacement cord so I can download my video to CDs. While I may not be able to watch now,I don't want to lose them either! They are my last link to seeing Lori alive.
  I caught a link on Morgan Fairchild's Twitter feed after I had talked to Becca.

Of all of our life's journeys,grief is perhaps the most completely personal and private path we walk.Simply put,there are truly no set rules to it. Everyone handles it their own way. Its how people react to others who are enduring severe loss that needs to be examined. How do we try and help those in that kind of pain? Its a very hard question to ask and deal with.
  I have written about volunteering at my job with two of my co-workers,Darryl and Justin. We did a painting project in Wayne and was part of a huge crew who repaired a VFW Hall in Detroit.
  Darryl sat in our break room during the first week of Christmas and shared with me about the loss of his mom. He,just like myself,didn't really celebrate Christmas in anyway that first year and assured me that he understood where I was coming from when I told him I wasn't doing Christmas this year.
  A week later...and we get some heartbreaking news,Darryl's dad was driving and had a massive heart attack. He managed to pull his truck off the secure and put the brakes on before he died. In a second,he had suffered the sudden death of his father. When I heard this...did I have any wisdom to share,peaceful comforting words to console him? Nope....I was left just like the rest of us,not really knowing what to say.
I know when he came in to work with his uncle,he had that shocked and dazed look you get during that first week. The only thing I could tell him was that I loved him and I was here. But it was important that I say something...

  The person suffering from deep loss,be it a survivor or a victim of trauma...need the following as pointed out by Catherine Woodiwiss,who not only lost her older sister in a accident but herself was critically injured in a terrible accident that left her face is such bad shape,she had to drink from straws for months and is facing a very long road back.
Catherine wrote the following in a blog post: “The victims of trauma experience days when you feel like a quivering, cowardly shell of yourself, when despair yawns as a terrible chasm, when fear paralyzes any chance for pleasure. This is just a fight that has to be won, over and over and over again.”

   This is the truth. Some days are better then others,I can agree with that. I do find myself in a slightly better frame of mind but it is fragile. I am still taking small steps and looking for a direction to go to. I don't feel like I am in a constant fog...I still feel unbalanced but at least I feel like I can see where I am going.

There are certain things people can remember when running into someone in deep loss or trauma. These are basic rules and these are my thoughts as they relate to me only. Remember,this may not apply to everyone.


Do be there.
   I have been rather blessed in the fact we have some amazing friends. I think Lori would be surprised at who stayed in the fight with me and who didn't. I have some amazing and loving support from my co-workers. We tend to try and watch out for each other. What I like is how much space I am given but at the same time if I am dragging,they will approach me and ask how I am doing. I do the same for the people who are in the same boat I am in. To put a hand on a shoulder and say "if you need to talk or vent" is comforting even if I don't need to. The fact I have that option is a good feeling. I don't feel alone.
   
Don’t compare, ever.
  This is a critical statement. Like I wrote before,grief and loss is the most personal journey. I have only had a couple of people compare their stories to ours. While I may nod my head,inside,I am shaking it. No one can compare because no one knows the connection you had with your loved one. You may have the same illness,accident,trauma but that is it. You can't begin to know what the other person is feeling inside. You can say "I lost someone I love too,I am so very sorry for the loss. I am here for you when you are ready". Believe me,when and if that person needs to talk,they will find you.

Do bring soup or a hot meal.

This is often forgotten after the first couple of weeks.I never really thought about this until I was alone one night standing in the kitchen with a dazed feeling. I know I needed to eat but what? A hot meal or going out for coffee is another gentle way of letting someone know you are here as a friend who is concerned for you.
Maybe you notice something small is missing from a home that you can help with...its not so much the meal or item but the gesture itself is telling that person, you are not forgotten.
 
Do not say “you’ll get over it.”

 There isn't much more unintended damaging words to say then this. This one and "Time will heal your pain".
Both statements are a crock of shit. I have written about someone who said  what happened to us was "an issue" That one almost caused me to lose my temper...but I considered the person and just felt sorry for her.
People who would say such a unthinking statement have no idea what is to love someone that much because if they did....this would never be uttered. And yeah,that includes losing a pet. I have heard people say that to a pet owner who has lost a beloved cat or dog. You "get over" a relationship,not getting a pay raise,a bad hair day. You do not get over from loss or a serious injury like if you dropped a ice cream cone.
  
Do be a builder.
 There isn't much I can say to this because I am not there yet. I am still trying to decide what I am going to build here. I know I have started building in the fact I am volunteering and trying to pay it forward. I want to try and build a legacy for Lori,so she is never forgotten. I have a few ideas and thoughts but no real plan. I will have to come back to this and revisit it in the future.


Don’t say it’s all for the best or try to make sense out of what has happened.

This is only half right. There is no "all for the best" because there is NO best when it comes to losing someone. This rates up with "This was God's will" in terms of stupidity. It may be God's design but trust me on this,a person doesn't want to HEAR that. But on the other hand,trying to make sense of what may of happened isn't a bad thing. I know in Lori's case,there were several mistakes made that could have saved her life. Trying to make sense of why she died when she didn't have too is of paramount importance to me. I don't wish what happened to us to happen to anyone else. The only way that can happen is to explore and see why it happen and to prevent it from happening again.
  This is when just being there as a friend or loved one is welcomed as a sounding board. Just talking about our experience has led me to a place where I am ready to talk to the U of M patient board about what happened during the last 3 months. I am not ready to talk to Oakwood yet as I am still too upset to explain my feelings about their crappy care of Lori.

This was on my heart as of late and when I saw this topic on Morgan's feed,I knew I had to write on it.
You can find the story I saw here . Feel free to drop a comment or question.

If you are on Twitter,you can find me @Jinzo_2400


Shout-outs

Melissa - thanks for the chat
Rob W. - Hall of Fame as always!
Morgan - Thanks for the inspiration
Suzanne - fun as always
Denise - Praying for you as always
My 49ers friends - Still one behind the Steelers!
Eric Stuart - I am so ready to get my CDs!
Kerri - Two time winner! Hell YEAH!
Gordy - Congrats on your huge month and the new house!
Rich G. - We need to do coffee again,without the snowstorm!