Its 10:19 pm
Thanks to the lovely Morgan Fairchild for my topic and to Michelle,Melissa and Suzanne for keeping me company.
My computer is finally fixed. I took it to Polygon Computers,its where we went twice before when the computer was not working. Its has been about 18 months since I was last in. I carried the computer in and Mr. Li was there working as usual. As I was setting up the computer,he asked how I have been doing. I mentioned that last time I was in,that Lori was sick and that she had passed away. He said..."Yes,she had uterine cancer,right"? I was amazed...and said as much. He said he remembered me...he then proceeded to start looking at my machine. I made arrangements to come back and pick it later that afternoon and headed home.
I got back at 3:00 pm and he had not only cleaned it up,he said I had deleted my own security suite and that it was pretty virused out. I honestly couldn't tell you when I did that but am I surprised? No,not really.
He also boosted my memory as well so I won't bog down anymore. That always happened when we had two or more tabs open but with more memory,its letting me keep 3 tabs open right now.
As Mr. Li was explaining what he did,he got a phone call from a person who wanted to bring his computer down so Mr. Li could install a game for him. Instead,Mr. Li patiently explained how to do it over the phone. After he was finished,I commented how he could have had the guy come down and made some money instead of helping him for free on the phone. I think it was very kind of him to do that...even more so when Mr. Li had said business was very slow for him and he could have used the business.
He asked if I wanted to pay him for his service and I said without a doubt. He said it would be 50.00 but I know from the other times,he charged 75.00 and I said I wanted to pay the 75.00 and whatever the memory addition would be. Its only fair,I mean,I couldn't have fixed it on my own...and Mr. Li needs money to pay for his shop which is off the beaten path here in my town.
He said the memory was free and was thankful for the 75.00. He mentioned how Indians were always trying to undercut his prices,trying to get "deals". It pisses me off when I see that....the man is by himself,struggling to keep his small business going. No one forced these Indians to his shop,you go there,you better be ready to pay the fair price. Haggling is great at a flea market or a yard sale....but not at a small business,its very disrespectful.
Today is the 21st of January. Its been eight months since Lori Ann has been gone. Last Sunday I plugged my video camera that she had gotten me our last Christmas together. I knew I had two videos of our last days together when she was in hospice. Our friend Cheryl recorded us as Lori slept and I held her hand. I talked about we met and other things. I had actually forgotten that I had recorded a visit during our last month when her brother and his wife along with her best friend and her boyfriend. The video was so sweet but overwhelming emotionally. I made it through 6 minutes before having to turn it off. Seeing her alive,even in her advanced stage was just crushing. It brought back everything in focus and I wept for a long time.
After I brought home the computer and plugged it in,I got a call from my grief therapist Becca, from Arbor Hospice.
We talked about the video and the fact that everyone I talked to in the two days since I looked at the video told me that they couldn't look at videos. Pictures were good and one said the funeral service was something they could handle but videos....no way,no how. It made me feel better about that,that I wasn't alone in how I felt in watching it.
I had to call Sony for a replacement cord so I can download my video to CDs. While I may not be able to watch now,I don't want to lose them either! They are my last link to seeing Lori alive.
I caught a link on Morgan Fairchild's Twitter feed after I had talked to Becca.
Of all of our life's journeys,grief is perhaps the most completely personal and private path we walk.Simply put,there are truly no set rules to it. Everyone handles it their own way. Its how people react to others who are enduring severe loss that needs to be examined. How do we try and help those in that kind of pain? Its a very hard question to ask and deal with.
I have written about volunteering at my job with two of my co-workers,Darryl and Justin. We did a painting project in Wayne and was part of a huge crew who repaired a VFW Hall in Detroit.
Darryl sat in our break room during the first week of Christmas and shared with me about the loss of his mom. He,just like myself,didn't really celebrate Christmas in anyway that first year and assured me that he understood where I was coming from when I told him I wasn't doing Christmas this year.
A week later...and we get some heartbreaking news,Darryl's dad was driving and had a massive heart attack. He managed to pull his truck off the secure and put the brakes on before he died. In a second,he had suffered the sudden death of his father. When I heard this...did I have any wisdom to share,peaceful comforting words to console him? Nope....I was left just like the rest of us,not really knowing what to say.
I know when he came in to work with his uncle,he had that shocked and dazed look you get during that first week. The only thing I could tell him was that I loved him and I was here. But it was important that I say something...
The person suffering from deep loss,be it a survivor or a victim of trauma...need the following as pointed out by Catherine Woodiwiss,who not only lost her older sister in a accident but herself was critically injured in a terrible accident that left her face is such bad shape,she had to drink from straws for months and is facing a very long road back.
Catherine wrote the following in a blog post: “The victims of trauma experience days when you feel like a quivering, cowardly shell of yourself, when despair yawns as a terrible chasm, when fear paralyzes any chance for pleasure. This is just a fight that has to be won, over and over and over again.”
This is the truth. Some days are better then others,I can agree with that. I do find myself in a slightly better frame of mind but it is fragile. I am still taking small steps and looking for a direction to go to. I don't feel like I am in a constant fog...I still feel unbalanced but at least I feel like I can see where I am going.
There are certain things people can remember when running into someone in deep loss or trauma. These are basic rules and these are my thoughts as they relate to me only. Remember,this may not apply to everyone.
Do be there.
I have been rather blessed in the fact we have some amazing friends. I think Lori would be surprised at who stayed in the fight with me and who didn't. I have some amazing and loving support from my co-workers. We tend to try and watch out for each other. What I like is how much space I am given but at the same time if I am dragging,they will approach me and ask how I am doing. I do the same for the people who are in the same boat I am in. To put a hand on a shoulder and say "if you need to talk or vent" is comforting even if I don't need to. The fact I have that option is a good feeling. I don't feel alone.
Don’t compare, ever.
This is a critical statement. Like I wrote before,grief and loss is the most personal journey. I have only had a couple of people compare their stories to ours. While I may nod my head,inside,I am shaking it. No one can compare because no one knows the connection you had with your loved one. You may have the same illness,accident,trauma but that is it. You can't begin to know what the other person is feeling inside. You can say "I lost someone I love too,I am so very sorry for the loss. I am here for you when you are ready". Believe me,when and if that person needs to talk,they will find you.
Do bring soup or a hot meal.
This is often forgotten after the first couple of weeks.I never really thought about this until I was alone one night standing in the kitchen with a dazed feeling. I know I needed to eat but what? A hot meal or going out for coffee is another gentle way of letting someone know you are here as a friend who is concerned for you.
Maybe you notice something small is missing from a home that you can help with...its not so much the meal or item but the gesture itself is telling that person, you are not forgotten.
Do not say “you’ll get over it.”
There isn't much more unintended damaging words to say then this. This one and "Time will heal your pain".
Both statements are a crock of shit. I have written about someone who said what happened to us was "an issue" That one almost caused me to lose my temper...but I considered the person and just felt sorry for her.
People who would say such a unthinking statement have no idea what is to love someone that much because if they did....this would never be uttered. And yeah,that includes losing a pet. I have heard people say that to a pet owner who has lost a beloved cat or dog. You "get over" a relationship,not getting a pay raise,a bad hair day. You do not get over from loss or a serious injury like if you dropped a ice cream cone.
Do be a builder.
There isn't much I can say to this because I am not there yet. I am still trying to decide what I am going to build here. I know I have started building in the fact I am volunteering and trying to pay it forward. I want to try and build a legacy for Lori,so she is never forgotten. I have a few ideas and thoughts but no real plan. I will have to come back to this and revisit it in the future.
Don’t say it’s all for the best or try to make sense out of what has happened.
This is only half right. There is no "all for the best" because there is NO best when it comes to losing someone. This rates up with "This was God's will" in terms of stupidity. It may be God's design but trust me on this,a person doesn't want to HEAR that. But on the other hand,trying to make sense of what may of happened isn't a bad thing. I know in Lori's case,there were several mistakes made that could have saved her life. Trying to make sense of why she died when she didn't have too is of paramount importance to me. I don't wish what happened to us to happen to anyone else. The only way that can happen is to explore and see why it happen and to prevent it from happening again.
This is when just being there as a friend or loved one is welcomed as a sounding board. Just talking about our experience has led me to a place where I am ready to talk to the U of M patient board about what happened during the last 3 months. I am not ready to talk to Oakwood yet as I am still too upset to explain my feelings about their crappy care of Lori.
This was on my heart as of late and when I saw this topic on Morgan's feed,I knew I had to write on it.
You can find the story I saw here . Feel free to drop a comment or question.
If you are on Twitter,you can find me @Jinzo_2400
Shout-outs
Melissa - thanks for the chat
Rob W. - Hall of Fame as always!
Morgan - Thanks for the inspiration
Suzanne - fun as always
Denise - Praying for you as always
My 49ers friends - Still one behind the Steelers!
Eric Stuart - I am so ready to get my CDs!
Kerri - Two time winner! Hell YEAH!
Gordy - Congrats on your huge month and the new house!
Rich G. - We need to do coffee again,without the snowstorm!
Showing posts with label pay it forward. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pay it forward. Show all posts
Wednesday, January 22, 2014
Tuesday, July 9, 2013
All over the place on a Monday
Its 5:42 pm
Good evening....its a warm,wet and humid Michigan summer day. The rain has been falling since early this afternoon with several thunderstorms racing across the sky. Guess we're supposed to be dealing with storms all this week...which isn't a bad thing,mind you,we really need the water. So glad I cut my grass after I got home yesterday,there would have been no way I could have done it today...
Like to thank my guest blogger Jessica Clackum for writing such a interesting column and I really like the guest blogger idea quite a bit,so much so I have already invited another guest writer to drop something hot in the near future....no pressure Rich but you are now on the clock...
July 25 is coming up very rapidly....it seems every month there is a emotional hurdle for me to clear...Lori's dying in May,our anniversary in June and now her birthday on 25 July. She would have turned 54 this year. Only 54....its very sad to think about this,I know I am a strong person but sometimes this really overwhelms me and I just lose it for a while. The tears come and I just sit and weep. Every day feels like 20 May....every single day. I bounce off the walls here or I go walk around the block 2-3 times. My sleep pattern is still very scattered,my CPAP machine works when I turn it on but my mind is racing with memories,things we did,places we visited and dreams we dreamed but won't be realized on this Earth. I am thankful for my friends who even now,despite their own problems,still support and care for Derek and myself. Its a saving salvation I can assure you and I do my best to pay it forward...because its the things we do for others that help define who we are as human beings...a kind word or email or phone call. Its when times are darkest that we need to reach out and give back. Doing a kindness with things are flush is easy,its when you are in that dark room that you help guide someone first to the light. Its what I'm working very hard at doing now,it really surprises people,good people,to find out that they still have a lot of love in their heart to give when they seem to have nothing left but tears to share.
I got a call about 10 days ago from a old friend (hell,he was almost like a brother to me) whom I had not seen or heard from in about 28 years(!!) When I answered the phone and heard him start to talk...I met Javier back in Ontario when we moved into the neighborhood. He was a very quiet but a avid fanboy in the fact we loved to read comic books,sci-fi and fantasy books. We went everywhere together,church,the bookstore,just knocking around. His home life was pure dogshit,no father,a mother who really wasn't around..a little brother who you see was already in the grip of the gangs and drugs that were always lurking around. His older sister was beautiful but she had no ambition other then to party...which led her getting pregnant by the time she was 18. She hung around gangbangers as well because it was almost expected. Javier never was approached,the loco vatos knew he was different and left him alone.
Soon Javier moved in with us after my older brother left for the Navy and he became part of the family.
As we got older and saw all of our friends slowly being destroyed by the neighborhood,we decided to try and join the Army. Javier was accepted but because of my poor eyesight,I was denied. Javier went in on a delayed entry program so we were able to hang together for a while...which almost proved our undoing.
His now 17 year old brother had been messing with a girl who he thought was 15 but in fact was only 13. He was facing some potential serious trouble. As we drove one night,Javier and he started arguing about what was happening,his brother became very upset and started crying while driving. Not a good thing as he started talking about crashing the car....I'm in the back seat scared out of my mind and asked him to pull over so I could get out,I wanted no piece of this. He refused and sped up....as Javier tried to calm him,I watched the speedometer and when his brother hit a turn at 25 mph,I jumped and rolled out of the car. I felt my glasses fly off my face as I tucked and rolled over and over.
That brought his brother back into his senses as Javier screamed at him to stop. The car stopped and backed up...both brothers got out and asked if I was okay...I only had a small cut on the back of my hand. I picked up my glasses which somehow survived and put them on. I turned to Javier's brother and shook my head and without saying a word started walking the 3 miles home. Javier walked with me and he kept on apologizing .
I soon moved to Santa Clara and Javier went to bootcamp. We exchanged a few letters but soon we lost contact. I knew he moved with my family to Washington and that he went AWOL but I never talked with him. And soon after he moved back to California and that the end of any contact we had with him.
Until about 3 weeks ago when he called my mother in Washington...they talked a couple of times and she gave him my phone number.
I was surprised to hear from him...I told him briefly what had been happening and he then shared his story.
My friend is homeless. I mean,really homeless,as in sleeping outside in the park homeless. He is married and has a 3 year old son and they are homeless. It wasn't always that way,he said he had worked for DHL for 17 years before taking a chance to live with his older brother (which I never knew he had!) in Colorado..he quit DHL and went to Colorado. It didn't work out and he came back to California where he was out of work for two years before landing another job with a subcontractor with DHL. That lasted two years before he had a mental breakdown and took a medical leave. Of course once he came back,they dropped him as fast as they could and with his wife also losing her job,it quickly fell apart for them.
He turned to his younger brother and sister....but that pointless,both siblings while making it out of the neighborhood,took along a pet with them as a reminder of their time there,a pet Horse. Yep....both his sister and little brother are heroin addicts. When things were good,he had let both of them stay with him while they struggled with their lives and addictions. But it wasn't the same now that he needed their help,his little brother let him stay but at the first fight,he kicked them all out,including tossing their clothes and other items on the street.
He never asked me for a dime,he just wanted to "have someone to talk to". 28 years and I am now the person he wants to talk too....I know he had burned up and used every social resource to him. His wife called the local VA and they told him to come out to see them,he didn't have the busfare to even get out there...I volunteered at 2 homeless shelters in San Jose and I can't ever recall seeing a whole family out on the street like this. My heart ached for him but I could offer him advice,when he said his mother-in-law had gotten them two days at a fleabag motel...I just didn't know what to say,I have no money to spare him,not with my own sketchy situation here..I am so hard pressed myself. But I told him to go to the largest Catholic Church and simply ask for the bus fare to the VA. Simple and small requests go a long way to getting more help. You have to be willing to take anything and everything that is offered to you jobwise. You can't say no...with no transportation,this will be hard but as I told Javier,just get there...you can always walk home,I used to walk everywhere before I moved to Michigan and learned to drive. I used that logic when I started working in San Jose,just get to the job and worry about getting home later.
I know of one friend in Ontario who might be able to help but I have no way of contacting Javier...so now I wait and pray.
Our neighbor just rang my doorbell,she brought me 4 homemade sugar cookies. She said she wanted to go into business for herself but didn't want to go through the hassle of getting health permits. I may have to rethink eating these cookies....
I got a nice email from famed blues singer Candye Kane. I was blessed to have worked with Candye on a couple of shows at the Agenda Lounge. I had first seen her sing at the Cactus Club and was completely blown away by her voice,its a beautiful and bouncy voice with matches Candye perfectly.
Candye herself has been battling cancer for almost 5 years herself,she has undergone several major surgeries yet has still managed to tour and put out new music every year. She is a true warrior in so many different ways.
This was her email to me
My neighbor has gotten serious about defending his garden from the rabbits this summer. He has put posts up and chicken wire around the posts. He then put several heavy stones around except for one weak point where he set up a live trap...I had to laugh when I saw this but when he mentioned he was going to get rid of them for good,well.....that is how his cage got sprayed with animal repellant. I can respect his not wanting to share his cabbage and carrots but not at the expense of killing our bunnies. Its one of summer's biggest highlights,coming home and seeing a couple of rabbits on the front lawn.
Last but not least,so my good friend Monique Parent has put out some new SortaHealthy videos on YouTube. A couple of summers ago,I made her chimchurri sauce and it was amazingly good. She comes up with several great ideas built around the VitaMix blender and they are pretty much all winners.
But she launched this one today and I am finding myself completely torn about trying this:
I'll let you know how it goes!
Getting pretty jazzed for the huge Save Ferris show on the 27th. Despite some inner-band fussing and feuding,the show is going and by the look of things,the fans are siding with vocalist Monique Powell as tickets are selling at a nifty rate..
I am still holding out hope that someone will record this show...and post it on YouTube or maybe the band will sell some CDs of the show. One can hope anyways.
I like to wish my friend Sheri some inner peace and healing during the next 3 weeks.
Went to renew my tags for my car today at the Secretary of State. I got there at around 10:30 am and the line moved quickly until the customer two persons ahead of me,then the line stalled. I waited 20 minutes for just that one person to be helped,the line behind was curled up and through the front door.
Finally it was my turn....I brought all the paperwork except the title. See,we registered both cars under Lori's name. It wasn't planned that way but since it made things easier,we never changed it. Now I have to change my tags to my birthday.
They gave me a form to fill out,I was number 87 and they were at number 64. When I walked in 30 minutes earlier,they were on 62. I decided to bail out,come home,get my title and come at it again tomorrow. Save me some sanity to say the least.
Caught this song while surfing YouTube. The band is Nikki Sixx's new band called Sixx AM and this song is called "Van Nuys". This is a great song and I hope you like it as much as I do.
New "8 Questions with....." coming very soon.
Renee,glad to have you back. Loved your story today.
Feel free to leave a comment.
Good evening....its a warm,wet and humid Michigan summer day. The rain has been falling since early this afternoon with several thunderstorms racing across the sky. Guess we're supposed to be dealing with storms all this week...which isn't a bad thing,mind you,we really need the water. So glad I cut my grass after I got home yesterday,there would have been no way I could have done it today...
Like to thank my guest blogger Jessica Clackum for writing such a interesting column and I really like the guest blogger idea quite a bit,so much so I have already invited another guest writer to drop something hot in the near future....no pressure Rich but you are now on the clock...
July 25 is coming up very rapidly....it seems every month there is a emotional hurdle for me to clear...Lori's dying in May,our anniversary in June and now her birthday on 25 July. She would have turned 54 this year. Only 54....its very sad to think about this,I know I am a strong person but sometimes this really overwhelms me and I just lose it for a while. The tears come and I just sit and weep. Every day feels like 20 May....every single day. I bounce off the walls here or I go walk around the block 2-3 times. My sleep pattern is still very scattered,my CPAP machine works when I turn it on but my mind is racing with memories,things we did,places we visited and dreams we dreamed but won't be realized on this Earth. I am thankful for my friends who even now,despite their own problems,still support and care for Derek and myself. Its a saving salvation I can assure you and I do my best to pay it forward...because its the things we do for others that help define who we are as human beings...a kind word or email or phone call. Its when times are darkest that we need to reach out and give back. Doing a kindness with things are flush is easy,its when you are in that dark room that you help guide someone first to the light. Its what I'm working very hard at doing now,it really surprises people,good people,to find out that they still have a lot of love in their heart to give when they seem to have nothing left but tears to share.
I got a call about 10 days ago from a old friend (hell,he was almost like a brother to me) whom I had not seen or heard from in about 28 years(!!) When I answered the phone and heard him start to talk...I met Javier back in Ontario when we moved into the neighborhood. He was a very quiet but a avid fanboy in the fact we loved to read comic books,sci-fi and fantasy books. We went everywhere together,church,the bookstore,just knocking around. His home life was pure dogshit,no father,a mother who really wasn't around..a little brother who you see was already in the grip of the gangs and drugs that were always lurking around. His older sister was beautiful but she had no ambition other then to party...which led her getting pregnant by the time she was 18. She hung around gangbangers as well because it was almost expected. Javier never was approached,the loco vatos knew he was different and left him alone.
Soon Javier moved in with us after my older brother left for the Navy and he became part of the family.
As we got older and saw all of our friends slowly being destroyed by the neighborhood,we decided to try and join the Army. Javier was accepted but because of my poor eyesight,I was denied. Javier went in on a delayed entry program so we were able to hang together for a while...which almost proved our undoing.
His now 17 year old brother had been messing with a girl who he thought was 15 but in fact was only 13. He was facing some potential serious trouble. As we drove one night,Javier and he started arguing about what was happening,his brother became very upset and started crying while driving. Not a good thing as he started talking about crashing the car....I'm in the back seat scared out of my mind and asked him to pull over so I could get out,I wanted no piece of this. He refused and sped up....as Javier tried to calm him,I watched the speedometer and when his brother hit a turn at 25 mph,I jumped and rolled out of the car. I felt my glasses fly off my face as I tucked and rolled over and over.
That brought his brother back into his senses as Javier screamed at him to stop. The car stopped and backed up...both brothers got out and asked if I was okay...I only had a small cut on the back of my hand. I picked up my glasses which somehow survived and put them on. I turned to Javier's brother and shook my head and without saying a word started walking the 3 miles home. Javier walked with me and he kept on apologizing .
I soon moved to Santa Clara and Javier went to bootcamp. We exchanged a few letters but soon we lost contact. I knew he moved with my family to Washington and that he went AWOL but I never talked with him. And soon after he moved back to California and that the end of any contact we had with him.
Until about 3 weeks ago when he called my mother in Washington...they talked a couple of times and she gave him my phone number.
I was surprised to hear from him...I told him briefly what had been happening and he then shared his story.
My friend is homeless. I mean,really homeless,as in sleeping outside in the park homeless. He is married and has a 3 year old son and they are homeless. It wasn't always that way,he said he had worked for DHL for 17 years before taking a chance to live with his older brother (which I never knew he had!) in Colorado..he quit DHL and went to Colorado. It didn't work out and he came back to California where he was out of work for two years before landing another job with a subcontractor with DHL. That lasted two years before he had a mental breakdown and took a medical leave. Of course once he came back,they dropped him as fast as they could and with his wife also losing her job,it quickly fell apart for them.
He turned to his younger brother and sister....but that pointless,both siblings while making it out of the neighborhood,took along a pet with them as a reminder of their time there,a pet Horse. Yep....both his sister and little brother are heroin addicts. When things were good,he had let both of them stay with him while they struggled with their lives and addictions. But it wasn't the same now that he needed their help,his little brother let him stay but at the first fight,he kicked them all out,including tossing their clothes and other items on the street.
He never asked me for a dime,he just wanted to "have someone to talk to". 28 years and I am now the person he wants to talk too....I know he had burned up and used every social resource to him. His wife called the local VA and they told him to come out to see them,he didn't have the busfare to even get out there...I volunteered at 2 homeless shelters in San Jose and I can't ever recall seeing a whole family out on the street like this. My heart ached for him but I could offer him advice,when he said his mother-in-law had gotten them two days at a fleabag motel...I just didn't know what to say,I have no money to spare him,not with my own sketchy situation here..I am so hard pressed myself. But I told him to go to the largest Catholic Church and simply ask for the bus fare to the VA. Simple and small requests go a long way to getting more help. You have to be willing to take anything and everything that is offered to you jobwise. You can't say no...with no transportation,this will be hard but as I told Javier,just get there...you can always walk home,I used to walk everywhere before I moved to Michigan and learned to drive. I used that logic when I started working in San Jose,just get to the job and worry about getting home later.
I know of one friend in Ontario who might be able to help but I have no way of contacting Javier...so now I wait and pray.
Our neighbor just rang my doorbell,she brought me 4 homemade sugar cookies. She said she wanted to go into business for herself but didn't want to go through the hassle of getting health permits. I may have to rethink eating these cookies....
I got a nice email from famed blues singer Candye Kane. I was blessed to have worked with Candye on a couple of shows at the Agenda Lounge. I had first seen her sing at the Cactus Club and was completely blown away by her voice,its a beautiful and bouncy voice with matches Candye perfectly.
Candye herself has been battling cancer for almost 5 years herself,she has undergone several major surgeries yet has still managed to tour and put out new music every year. She is a true warrior in so many different ways.
This was her email to me
My neighbor has gotten serious about defending his garden from the rabbits this summer. He has put posts up and chicken wire around the posts. He then put several heavy stones around except for one weak point where he set up a live trap...I had to laugh when I saw this but when he mentioned he was going to get rid of them for good,well.....that is how his cage got sprayed with animal repellant. I can respect his not wanting to share his cabbage and carrots but not at the expense of killing our bunnies. Its one of summer's biggest highlights,coming home and seeing a couple of rabbits on the front lawn.
Last but not least,so my good friend Monique Parent has put out some new SortaHealthy videos on YouTube. A couple of summers ago,I made her chimchurri sauce and it was amazingly good. She comes up with several great ideas built around the VitaMix blender and they are pretty much all winners.
But she launched this one today and I am finding myself completely torn about trying this:
I'll let you know how it goes!
Getting pretty jazzed for the huge Save Ferris show on the 27th. Despite some inner-band fussing and feuding,the show is going and by the look of things,the fans are siding with vocalist Monique Powell as tickets are selling at a nifty rate..
I am still holding out hope that someone will record this show...and post it on YouTube or maybe the band will sell some CDs of the show. One can hope anyways.
I like to wish my friend Sheri some inner peace and healing during the next 3 weeks.
Went to renew my tags for my car today at the Secretary of State. I got there at around 10:30 am and the line moved quickly until the customer two persons ahead of me,then the line stalled. I waited 20 minutes for just that one person to be helped,the line behind was curled up and through the front door.
Finally it was my turn....I brought all the paperwork except the title. See,we registered both cars under Lori's name. It wasn't planned that way but since it made things easier,we never changed it. Now I have to change my tags to my birthday.
They gave me a form to fill out,I was number 87 and they were at number 64. When I walked in 30 minutes earlier,they were on 62. I decided to bail out,come home,get my title and come at it again tomorrow. Save me some sanity to say the least.
Caught this song while surfing YouTube. The band is Nikki Sixx's new band called Sixx AM and this song is called "Van Nuys". This is a great song and I hope you like it as much as I do.
New "8 Questions with....." coming very soon.
Renee,glad to have you back. Loved your story today.
Feel free to leave a comment.
Saturday, June 1, 2013
My week so far (and how you can help)
Its 10:01 pm
Its a warm humid night here in SE Michigan.....but my thoughts are both in Oklahoma and my friend Jon and up north in Michigan with my brother-in-law Brian. Oklahoma is getting pounded again with massive tornadoes,I looked at the website of one of the Oklahoma City TV stations and there was a huge track of storms sweeping across the area,there was a huge traffic jam and a tornado hit the freeway where the jam was. As I write this,I don't know how many have been killed or wounded...but I know the storms were headed towards Tulsa next. And that is where my friend Jon lives at....
Talked to Brian today....he said he has been in a scattered state of mind since Lori has died,he is having a hard time focusing on work and he says he is always on the go. Between seeing Lori's mom and work,he also was a Big Brother to an amazing young man named Cody. Cody,with Brian's help and guidance,has turned into a model citizen. He busted his ass at school,helped his mom and aunt out around the house and also watched Brian's dogs whenever he had to leave for business/come see Lori.
Brian helped Cody land a full scholarship at Michigan State where he will be taking pre-med classes. He wants to become a doctor. His aunt is now at the U of Michigan where she will be having surgery to remove her bladder.She too,is now fighting cancer and its hoped she can recover if she has her bladder removed in time.
Lori's mom is doing as well as can be expected,they have started hospice care for her as well now. This means more hands on care as she has almost lost her legs as well. Brian keeps walking her but its getting harder and harder now. Lori's dad doesn't try to walk with her as it would be too dangerous for the both of them.
My week has crept by slowly,I had to do the banking this week. This includes taking Lori's death certificate in to the various banks where we did business. We have our mortgage at one bank,Lori's small 401k at another and our main bank as well. Taking the certificate was very painful,everyone looking it and saying "sorry". You just have to grit your teeth and bare it...keep a stoic look on your face.
I did the first bank on Wednesday and the other two on Thursday. Lori's ashes came in Wednesday night and I arranged to pick them up on Thursday. I then visited the two other banks on Thursday and by the time I was done....I was done as well. As I pointed the car towards the funeral home,I got incredibly sad and emotionally overwhelmed,I didn't want to go....I just couldn't stand it. I found the way home and then sat in my car and cried for 30 minutes. I feel like I'm being forced to mourn too quickly because of the financial pressure being put on me...I have to get my house in order quickly or risk getting over run by it all.
After I settled down,I washed my glasses and had a cold drink at the house before heading out again.
As we all know,the recession has been over for quite a while now,the stock market is booming,houses are selling like hotcakes and the unemployment numbers are down under 8 percent. Even the national debt is being reduced by billions,people are spending more now then in the last 5 years...happy days are here again!
Maybe so,but not by the vast majority of us...and businesses are still being buckled. This month saw the closing of 14 stores by one of Michigan's oldest businesses,ACO Hardware.
While this was and is sad,its not totally a surprise to me for at least one closing. We two stores within a mile and a half of each other. One store got a complete makeover,they knocked down the walls and expanded the line of goods they care. Add in better lighting and a sharper sales team,you can see why they surged ahead in sales and forced the outdated and smaller store to shut its doors.
I stopped by to see if there were any deals as of yet,there really wasn't but I bought a couple of things I needed. I asked the cashier if the rest of stores would be able to absorb the employees of the closed stores.
She shook her and said "No". Once the store was closed,they would be without a job. This is a awful feeling as I went through that with my first music venue,Marsugi's and here in Michigan with Farmer Jack's.
I wished her well and walked out.
I am now in the position of starting to look for a better paying job...I like my store I am at now very much but the pay is just brutal...but I am damn happy to have ANY kind of job. I wonder what those 400 people who will lose their jobs do....there isn't the multi-tiered unemployment benefits anymore because the unemployment rating is down,that means there will be less of a safety net for those folks.
Things like this are now brushed aside by the media,with things being on the upswing,who needs to report such a negative story like this anymore,right?
I went over to the new Dollar Tree and got a box of envelopes as I am starting to finish off my thank you notes from the funeral,I am doing 12 a day as its as much as I can handle. I am trying to add a little personal note in each note because I thankful people came.
I bet Don Neilson can relate to this....I am home alone now. I put on a DVD for noise and open the iPad downstairs and putter on it. I have had many people to ask me to call them anytime and other then talking with the wonderful Pam Kelly,I have not talked to anyone outside the social workers from Michigan and hospice.
The reason is this....as much as I would love to talk with folks,what I don't want to do is talk about what has happened to us. It is too much to have to rehash over and over. The need to talk is overridden by the need to not be hurt again...it sounds strange but that is the truth.
Not everything was sadness this week....Lori's two angels,our two infusion/oncology nurses,Melanie and Terri took me to lunch on Friday. I can't begin to describe what it feels like to have such two wonderful people continue to embrace you despite the fact my Lori is gone. I like to think that we made such an impression on them as they have with us that we now have a real friendship now. It a real treat to hear how Terri met her husband and the little slices of thier home lives. I love you two very much and am looking forward to a Tim Horton ice tea/slurpee day very soon.
I would have posted a slurpee photo but the slurpee cops are watching me and you know who you are!
Back to the weather....Michigan doesn't get nearly as many tornadoes as Oklahoma,Texas,Kansas...but we do get them. Last week was one of those times we got one. It touched down in a small town called Goodrich. Goodrich has about 2,000 people in it so you know its a tight knit little community.
A young family,the Mahaffy's had just moved into their new home about a month and a half ago. Barely moved and and with three young children,Tom and Ashlee's future appeared bright. But as we know with weather,nothing is guaranteed. Katrina,Sandy,the Mouse River Flood,Moore,Oklahoma....mother nature is always the wild card. And so it was last week when a tornado touched and tore apart the Mahaffy's new home. Ashlee used her body to cover her three kids and kept them safe...as the house was blown up around them. While the Mahaffy's were blessed to have not been hurt....they now have no house and no possessions . I posted on my FB that as soon as I got more info,I would post it and I am now.
I like ask if we,the many readers of the Inner Circle,would somehow find a way to help this family?
They have a page on GoFundMe where just over 17,000 has been raised. While I wanted to give 100.00,I ended up giving 50.00 because I still as yet still don't know my own medical expenses in relation to Lori.
I tried donating through the website but for some reason,my bank doesn't like the site. So there is a mailing address you can send something to.
This is the page on GoFundMe if you wish to donate that way.
You can mail your donation here,which is what Derek Jeter and I did. I address my letter to Tom and Ashlee. Please feel to forward this info if your heart is moved by their story. And no,I don't know the Mahaffy's....but I know the love that these two must for each other and their family and isn't that really all we need to know?
3208 Baldwin Rd
Ortonville, mi 48462
I am still sputtering along trying to get my next "8 Questions with...." together,I just to send my questions on to my interview subject. And I am also going to try something new that I have been hearing about....I'm going to have a guest blogger contribute a entry,after all,you don't want to just read me do you???
Well,that is all I have for now. I hope you enjoyed the entry and as always,comments are most welcome.
You can also find me on Twitter @Jinzo_2400.
One of my favorite ballads....Silent Lucidity by Queensryche.
I love you Kitty.
Its a warm humid night here in SE Michigan.....but my thoughts are both in Oklahoma and my friend Jon and up north in Michigan with my brother-in-law Brian. Oklahoma is getting pounded again with massive tornadoes,I looked at the website of one of the Oklahoma City TV stations and there was a huge track of storms sweeping across the area,there was a huge traffic jam and a tornado hit the freeway where the jam was. As I write this,I don't know how many have been killed or wounded...but I know the storms were headed towards Tulsa next. And that is where my friend Jon lives at....
Talked to Brian today....he said he has been in a scattered state of mind since Lori has died,he is having a hard time focusing on work and he says he is always on the go. Between seeing Lori's mom and work,he also was a Big Brother to an amazing young man named Cody. Cody,with Brian's help and guidance,has turned into a model citizen. He busted his ass at school,helped his mom and aunt out around the house and also watched Brian's dogs whenever he had to leave for business/come see Lori.
Brian helped Cody land a full scholarship at Michigan State where he will be taking pre-med classes. He wants to become a doctor. His aunt is now at the U of Michigan where she will be having surgery to remove her bladder.She too,is now fighting cancer and its hoped she can recover if she has her bladder removed in time.
Lori's mom is doing as well as can be expected,they have started hospice care for her as well now. This means more hands on care as she has almost lost her legs as well. Brian keeps walking her but its getting harder and harder now. Lori's dad doesn't try to walk with her as it would be too dangerous for the both of them.
My week has crept by slowly,I had to do the banking this week. This includes taking Lori's death certificate in to the various banks where we did business. We have our mortgage at one bank,Lori's small 401k at another and our main bank as well. Taking the certificate was very painful,everyone looking it and saying "sorry". You just have to grit your teeth and bare it...keep a stoic look on your face.
I did the first bank on Wednesday and the other two on Thursday. Lori's ashes came in Wednesday night and I arranged to pick them up on Thursday. I then visited the two other banks on Thursday and by the time I was done....I was done as well. As I pointed the car towards the funeral home,I got incredibly sad and emotionally overwhelmed,I didn't want to go....I just couldn't stand it. I found the way home and then sat in my car and cried for 30 minutes. I feel like I'm being forced to mourn too quickly because of the financial pressure being put on me...I have to get my house in order quickly or risk getting over run by it all.
After I settled down,I washed my glasses and had a cold drink at the house before heading out again.
As we all know,the recession has been over for quite a while now,the stock market is booming,houses are selling like hotcakes and the unemployment numbers are down under 8 percent. Even the national debt is being reduced by billions,people are spending more now then in the last 5 years...happy days are here again!
Maybe so,but not by the vast majority of us...and businesses are still being buckled. This month saw the closing of 14 stores by one of Michigan's oldest businesses,ACO Hardware.
While this was and is sad,its not totally a surprise to me for at least one closing. We two stores within a mile and a half of each other. One store got a complete makeover,they knocked down the walls and expanded the line of goods they care. Add in better lighting and a sharper sales team,you can see why they surged ahead in sales and forced the outdated and smaller store to shut its doors.
I stopped by to see if there were any deals as of yet,there really wasn't but I bought a couple of things I needed. I asked the cashier if the rest of stores would be able to absorb the employees of the closed stores.
She shook her and said "No". Once the store was closed,they would be without a job. This is a awful feeling as I went through that with my first music venue,Marsugi's and here in Michigan with Farmer Jack's.
I wished her well and walked out.
I am now in the position of starting to look for a better paying job...I like my store I am at now very much but the pay is just brutal...but I am damn happy to have ANY kind of job. I wonder what those 400 people who will lose their jobs do....there isn't the multi-tiered unemployment benefits anymore because the unemployment rating is down,that means there will be less of a safety net for those folks.
Things like this are now brushed aside by the media,with things being on the upswing,who needs to report such a negative story like this anymore,right?
I went over to the new Dollar Tree and got a box of envelopes as I am starting to finish off my thank you notes from the funeral,I am doing 12 a day as its as much as I can handle. I am trying to add a little personal note in each note because I thankful people came.
I bet Don Neilson can relate to this....I am home alone now. I put on a DVD for noise and open the iPad downstairs and putter on it. I have had many people to ask me to call them anytime and other then talking with the wonderful Pam Kelly,I have not talked to anyone outside the social workers from Michigan and hospice.
The reason is this....as much as I would love to talk with folks,what I don't want to do is talk about what has happened to us. It is too much to have to rehash over and over. The need to talk is overridden by the need to not be hurt again...it sounds strange but that is the truth.
Not everything was sadness this week....Lori's two angels,our two infusion/oncology nurses,Melanie and Terri took me to lunch on Friday. I can't begin to describe what it feels like to have such two wonderful people continue to embrace you despite the fact my Lori is gone. I like to think that we made such an impression on them as they have with us that we now have a real friendship now. It a real treat to hear how Terri met her husband and the little slices of thier home lives. I love you two very much and am looking forward to a Tim Horton ice tea/slurpee day very soon.
I would have posted a slurpee photo but the slurpee cops are watching me and you know who you are!
Back to the weather....Michigan doesn't get nearly as many tornadoes as Oklahoma,Texas,Kansas...but we do get them. Last week was one of those times we got one. It touched down in a small town called Goodrich. Goodrich has about 2,000 people in it so you know its a tight knit little community.
A young family,the Mahaffy's had just moved into their new home about a month and a half ago. Barely moved and and with three young children,Tom and Ashlee's future appeared bright. But as we know with weather,nothing is guaranteed. Katrina,Sandy,the Mouse River Flood,Moore,Oklahoma....mother nature is always the wild card. And so it was last week when a tornado touched and tore apart the Mahaffy's new home. Ashlee used her body to cover her three kids and kept them safe...as the house was blown up around them. While the Mahaffy's were blessed to have not been hurt....they now have no house and no possessions . I posted on my FB that as soon as I got more info,I would post it and I am now.
I like ask if we,the many readers of the Inner Circle,would somehow find a way to help this family?
They have a page on GoFundMe where just over 17,000 has been raised. While I wanted to give 100.00,I ended up giving 50.00 because I still as yet still don't know my own medical expenses in relation to Lori.
I tried donating through the website but for some reason,my bank doesn't like the site. So there is a mailing address you can send something to.
This is the page on GoFundMe if you wish to donate that way.
You can mail your donation here,which is what Derek Jeter and I did. I address my letter to Tom and Ashlee. Please feel to forward this info if your heart is moved by their story. And no,I don't know the Mahaffy's....but I know the love that these two must for each other and their family and isn't that really all we need to know?
3208 Baldwin Rd
Ortonville, mi 48462
I am still sputtering along trying to get my next "8 Questions with...." together,I just to send my questions on to my interview subject. And I am also going to try something new that I have been hearing about....I'm going to have a guest blogger contribute a entry,after all,you don't want to just read me do you???
Well,that is all I have for now. I hope you enjoyed the entry and as always,comments are most welcome.
You can also find me on Twitter @Jinzo_2400.
I love you Kitty.
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