A trip around the block....

Its 4:24 am




  So you are looking at this and wondering....what the blue blazes is this?

When Lori was in her final stages of her cancer journey,I was the person who administered her medications.
Be it a IV drip,norco,tamoxifen or liquid morphine,I was the one giving it to Lori. I was very faithful to her schedule and when I needed help,her oncology team was extremely supportive in walking me through what I needed and when the time came for hospice,the transition was pretty easy.
   After my lovely wife went to her reward,I was left with what do with the extra meds I had left over..I have blogged about my options,I could turn them into the police or toss them out...or even a flush them down the toilet. Those options were no options,the police really didn't want to have deal with disposal,you can't just toss away heavy narcotics away in the trash and certainly there was no way I was going to flush them.
  So that left me with one idea,to create enough coffee grounds that I could grind/pour the meds into the bowl and then toss them safely out.

  Funny thing happened to my plan,the bowl just kept growing and growing in size as I just kept on making excuses and reasons on why I haven't done this as of yet.
  So you are looking at every and I mean every pot of coffee that I brewed since May 2013. And no,I still haven't tossed away her meds as of yet. I am sure some shrink would have a answer for this...

 Got a knock on my door the other day...it was my neighbor's son who's bike I have been "keeping" ever since he left it outside against his mother's wishes. The parents and I both agreed that the son should write a letter of apology to the mom for disobeying her and leaving his brand new bike unattended to like that.
 This incident happened on 18 June and only yesterday had he come over with the letter. I had suggested to him he should write the letter two days after I had the bike. I told his folks my idea and they liked it a lot.

  But nothing happened so I hired the boys to help me do a project and again suggested a letter would be in order. He said he would and I talked to his mom about it again...but still heard nothing. I was a little confused about why he wasn't writing it,I knew it wasn't because he didn't care or respect his folks...so when he showed up and explained he had been gone two weeks on a camping trip,it made perfect sense. Hard to bring over a letter when you are 1,500 miles away!
   So I gave another mini lecture and gave back his bike and helmet and also put his letter on my fridge as a reminder that I would not see his bike outside again.

I am very down these days,I can feel my sadness and depression closing in around me. The long overnights at my job are ending just in time for me,I am getting beat up by the quiet once my co-workers go home at midnight. We still have people working,its just they are elsewhere in the store and we work alone pretty much after midnight.

  My energy and emotional levels are down,these three months are just the worst in terms of pure memories.
Death,union,birth...all swirling in my heart,far too many times as of late I have come home and just stared at where Lori's hospice bed was at...and going back to the times I sat with her,or giving her a drink,IV drip or a norco (a pain med). I asked a co-worker whose own wife has a very serious case of Trigeminal neuralgia
that he deals with on a daily basis,I asked him "When was the last time you were happy"? A simple question and my answer is as well...the last day I felt happy was the day before Lori's illness was discovered. I have ran the gamut of emotions ever since but truly happy wasn't one. I have been hopeful,thankful,loving,caring,angry,heartbroken, even peaceful in some respects but a wake up happy and go to bed happy day?

  Lori would have been 55 come the 25th of July...I know she would have wanted to travel somewhere fun,maybe a return trip to Washington,D.C. or somewhere south of here. Well,I can't afford nor am I in a mood for that but I can continue to do home improvements as I have been doing this week.
  My buddy Rich came back over today and we caulked the garage,cut away a dead heavy vine,cleaned the gutters and measured out where I am going to have to put in a board. Also went to spray some carpenter bees but ran out of spray so that will have to wait til tomorrow morning when I go get the supplies.
  Half of my basement is now clean and I am ready to tackle the Christmas side and the basement table as well. Of course the cheetah likes to come down and hang out with me while that is happening. He sits in the corner,purrs loudly and meows a few times as well....I believe this is called being supervised.
 
  The weekend of the 4th of July,the crew at work was talking about fireworks and how every year there is always someone careless who does something stupid. Everyone started telling stories about people they either knew or read about who managed to go to the extreme on the 4th.
   Lucky for me,I have never actually known anyone personally who did something that goofy (as I pat the BB still lodged in my jaw). I heard about a neighborhood kid who was hurt when he put firecrackers under a ceramic flowerpot that blew up in his face and when Lori and I lived in Northville,a man who lived not that far away ended blowing 3 fingers off his hand...and the guy in California (where else) who blew off BOTH hands fooling around with fireworks just this past week.

   Every year our local media nationwide always harp on the public to keep it safe and avoid the crippling or even fatal injuries that go along with being careless about handling fireworks. That includes house fires as well as shooting bullets in the air (a Detroit tradition).
  So it was a surprise to hear about a local weatherman for our ABC local station in Detroit,Dave Rexroth,who was in Iowa for the holiday,was seriously injured when a firework either blew up by his face or he was hit in the face by a flying firework. Either way,he was in the wrong place at the wrong time and ended losing a eye in the accident. He still currently in the hospital where he is having surgery to put in a prosthetic eye and will be off the air until September.
  He is one of the favorite media folks in our area and in that regard,I hope he recovers quickly and is able to resume his duties at Channel 7.



 Found out that I missed the local DVD sale at my Dollar Tree. I stopped by there to pick up some household supplies and checked the small DVD area only to see fresh movies. I poked through them picking up every new title I saw regardless of what it is.
  Since I have a lot of new readers,let me introduce you to what Dollar Tree Theater is. You can click the link or know that Lori and I loved Dollar Tree. About twice a year,the chain will sell DVDs for a buck.  Many are older films you may have heard of,there are a even a few DVD sets of TV series (I picked up the series "Daybreak" at one sale) but most are low budget obscure films that no one saw. Once in a blue moon,you might find a recent release like "Red Light"..it just depends on lucky you are when you stumble across the rare sale.

   I buy every single title I see whether I know it or not,many times I will just put it on for background noise while I putter away. And sometimes I actually sit down and watch it. But my store had been pretty much wiped out so I got only four films...decided to cruise to another store a couple of miles away where I had more luck with finding 7 movies including a Japanese anime film which was a first.
  It was then that I found out just how long it had been since I had actually stopped by as the clerk said the DVDs had come in a month ago and that I was getting the dregs...I sort of guessed that when I saw the Jessica Simpson movie "Blonde Ambition" sitting in the bin and yes,I bought a copy. I wonder if I could get paid for reviewing these old chestnuts.

  I like to extend a invite to all the new folks who have come across the blog to join my Networked Blogs group or via the Google Friend Connect which are on the side of the blog.  Also,please take a minute to explore some of the writers I follow which include my friend Sydney who is a special young lady who writes a raw and personal blog like this one.

Well I guess that is it for now.....again,thanks to everyone who supported my Food Stamp Nation entry and left some great feedback.

If you are on Twitter,please feel free to add me @Jinzo_2400. Love to sweep tweets with you.


Shout Outs

Lisa Adams - Love and light to you.
Rob W. - Thanks for another late night chat...and for sharing. We can do this.
Sue E. - Thanks for the company always...hope you enjoy the Sherlock Holmes series as much as I did.
Barb - Thank you again!
Rich - Finally feel like our repairs are going to make a real difference
Jack - Hope your back feels better soon
Dollar Tree - thanks for the DVD sale,do it again soon!
Monique Parent - stay cool in Vegas
Huron Valley Animal Shelter - for all the hard work the folks there do,you guys rock
To everyone who leaves a comment - you rock as well!!
Debbie R - java!

Medical Update on a Sunday.

Its 8: 16 pm

    Looking outside at a lovely evening,the young and old couples are out walking. Some have dogs,others are pushing carriages. If I wasn't so tired,I would saddle up and walk around the block a couple of times myself...
  Been a while since I posted a update....but I have been checking every day and I am stunned to see this blog has had 7,600 views so far. What is really cool is a lot of the old pages that got a mere a 5 or 6 views are now being looked at by the new readers. Until recently only my interview with Evon Cassier had garnered over a 100 views but I now see another 4-5 entries have also been been looked at over a 100 times and I thank you for that.

  We are still in this fight....trying to find a happy medium with Lori's meds,food and hydration.
Its not easy and sometimes the nerve endings get a little frayed...being two people with very little support leaves us bruised and tired. But you just have to swallow it down and keep going,keep trying different things to make life somewhat normal.
  The big problem this week was twofold,getting the right hydration and fighting off a painful urinary tract infection. Lori's heart rate has been elevated because she is throwing up so much,she is outpacing the gravity drip I.V. This means she isn't being hydrated quickly enough. We have been doing a bag of dextrose once a day plus the usual suspects like Boost,water and instant breakfasts. The UTI really made this so much worse because its so painful to urinate and when you get a I.V.,that is ALL you're going to be doing.
This led to several 3 am wake-ups to help with her being ill,cleaning up afterwards,changing clothes and getting her either ice water or juice. I have been getting less and less sleep...
 Dr. Johnston has decided to switch Lori to a potassium I.V. to help replace the fluids she is losing. I also had to run across the street for a lab kit to have a urine test done. After an hour of waiting,we were able to secure enough for the lab. The lab takes the urine and watches it for three days,seeing what kind of bacteria pops up. This normally takes up to 3 business days..but we were blessed in the fact a doctor took a look early and wrote Lori a scrip for an antibiotic.
  What makes all this a hurricane in a teacup is the fact I'm still working and I am getting stretched thin. As much I like to let Lori hydrate when I'm at work,I can't. Two of the medications she is taking causes drowsiness and you can't run a I.V. like that. You run the risk of having the I.V. finish and getting air in the bloodstream. You get what is commonly called "the bends" which is what happens to deep sea divers who surface too fast...so you can see why unsupervised hydration isn't a option.
 Trying to get a set routine is next to impossible but after talking with Lori about it,we decided to ask Marlene (Crash's mom) if she can learn how to help Lori get her I.V. drip going and sit with her when I have to work at night. She has agreed so this is a huge boost to us!
  I also got to chill with my buddy Big Al and had lunch with him. What was supposed to be a hour get away ended up being a 2.5 hour talk at the Big Bites Coney,a relatively new diner. We talked about our families and how people react to different problems.


The staff was very kind and we never felt any pressure to leave. Other then work,its the longest talk I have had with a human being other then Lori in so many months.
  The newest development is Lori is now sleeping downstairs because she too winded to climb. We think this will pass as soon as the new hydration plus a new anti-nausea medicine kicks in. She is already in a lot less pain because the antibiotic she is taking is working wonders. But needless to say,its doesn't feel good knowing she can't climb the stairs right now. I'm hoping her condition will improve this week.
  Tomorrow is Tax Day and this will be our first time that we have filed on deadline day. Took time to gather all the many receipts,driving journals and banking statements in order to give what we hope are all of our complete taxes. Last year we didn't get back very much and I'm suspecting we won't get that this year. But just glad that we are able to get this out of the way.
  Other projects are going okay....starting to downsize the closets now as well as throw/donate old magazines and clothes that we don't need,its a slow process but we finished one closet this week and am headed to the spare bedroom next week.
 Word is that the house of our old neighbors has sold for 179,000. They are a younger married couple who have a small mutt. Still no word on when they'll be moving in. Just hope they are decent friendly people. My feeling is they are going to be slightly bummed at all the work they'll have to be doing. But that is part of the joy of owning a house,right?

Animal activist and actress Elaine Hendrix has posted a new entry in her "Love and Compassion" video blog.
How about it? Has this series moved your heart? I find it refreshing that someone is using their voice/talent to raise awareness about animal abuse and unlike the animal terrorist group PETA,actually gives a shit about neglected pets and other animals.

   Saw a post yesterday that my old boss at the EDGE,Jimmy,wrote on his FB wall. Seems like his cat,Miles Davis,died in his sleep last night. By the way he wrote it,this came as a total surprise and he is pretty heartbroken about it. I mention this because I know we are getting closer to reaching a point of no return for Ginger. Still feeding her the "good stuff" and actually was more nervous hydrating her then I ever was with Lori! Go figure!

Well,that is all I got for now...thanks for reading and don't forget to leave a comment!

Medical Update: Thursday/Friday

  Its 12:13 am

     Chilly night here in SE Michigan...just when we dare to think about spring,winter reaches out and says "Not so fast my friend" and then throws another round of snow at us. Tomorrow night we are expecting to get 1-2 inches of sloppy snow,just enough to annoy folks but not enough to get excited about.

  Today was a long one....had to get up early to give Lori her vankomyacin at 5 am. The team has doubled her dose and switched her over to a liquid version of this drug as she threw it in its capsule form. Vanko tastes pretty wicked but one of the RNs at the hospital came up with a novel way to get it down...you chase it with Coke. So I pour 5 ml of vanko,add coke and then Lori drinks it. She then takes a gulp of Coke to help clear her mouth. Its been working wonders so far.



 Later we had lunch,Lori drank an entire bottle of Boost down and then I microwaved a couple of cans of chicken noodle soup and drained the broth into a cup which she then drank. Small steps forward to say the least but still overjoyed at seeing this.
  Still having a hard time getting her to drink any water,her urine levels are pretty crappy to say the least.
While I was trying to figure out this bump,the visiting nurse called to say she was coming over...15 minutes later we met Amy,she works as a visiting nurse for the U of Michigan health system. She was a nice but very firm nurse who you sensed really loves her job.
  While she talked to Lori,she had me set up the medical supplies on the table,the antibiotic had to stay cold so we keep it in the fridge and take it out 60 minutes before the injection to allow it to warm to room temp.
She watched as we assembled the four syringes that the treatment comes in...this means we put a fresh needle on each part,charge the tube to take out any air bubbles,check the dates on the medicines and open a box of alcohol wipes.



Once assembled,we then get our clock ready....and lay out the syringes. Amy said to remember the order,think of the term "S.A.S.H",which stands for saline,antibiotic,saline,heprin. We then use our wipes to clean the pic line Lori has connected to her chemo port. You wipe the line after every injection,every single time. Then we injection the first saline and put the needle in a large sharps/biohazard bottle. We wipe the line and then slowly in a 3-5 minute segment,push the antibiotic,repeat,then saline and finally the heprin which reduces the chance of a blood clot.


We have to do this on a daily basis for 14 days. Plus all the other meds we have to keep track of and the times we are supposed to take them.

Its now Friday
 7:31 pm


Rough day,Lori has been pretty quiet. She started to clear our her jewelry boxes and wanted me to take them to a local resale place. I sort of did laundry while making sure she took all of her meds. We carefully walked downstairs where I set the tray for the S.A.S.H. My legs are sore as I have to keep climbing up the stairs over and over. I got her on the couch and relaxed while we waited for Amy.

   I told what happened at my job the day before yesterday. We were in our breakroom and talking about seeing the Tigers play,a couple of folks are going to Opening Day against the Yankees. One woman asked if we were going to go and I commented that "No,we are going to wait until June when its warmer. My wife can't handle the cold weather now". The woman commented "Cold weather? You need to get a new wife!" A couple of my co-workers held their breaths,I just walked out to compose myself. After a couple a moments I went in and privately told her what was going on...she started crying that she didn't know. Well of course not,how could she,right? But I know and it hurts very much hearing something like that being said. I don't want a new wife,why can't I have the one I have now for another 40 years??
  I think I did pretty well in holding it together and not letting my emotions get away from me...

Amy came by and we quickly did the treatment,she said we were like a well oiled machine,funny how after 19 months of fighting this monster,you either are a well oiled and smooth machine or you're probably divorced.
  After Amy left,I went and did some errands at Sam's Club,bought 3 cases of soup,a couple of cartons of half and half,a flat of water and a huge 45 rolls of toilet paper. Got to the checkout door only to find the cashier had forgotten to charge me for my water. Sheesh....
  Then I bounced over to the Dollar Tree for some trash bags,this will be a duo downsizing,I'll need to cull a lot of my stuff as well...so no more books for me! *L*.
Came back to find the psychical therapist with Lori,seems like her BP was too high for him to work with her so he called Dr. J and told her. Then in turn had me take Lori to a local Urgent Care to get a set of vitals. Her heart is a little fast so I'm thinking I'll be taking her in for another set of vitals in the morning,if its still high,I'll take her back to Ann Arbor.

   She is really touched at the cards she has been getting,Renee and Christa...wow,those were some beautiful cards and words and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Theresa,the wonderful lady who hired me at Farmer Jack those many years ago..just beyond sweet,so very grateful for showing up such compassion...

Speaking of compassion,I need to run another videoblog from activist and actress Elaine Hendrix.
And you know we have to run one more since I have fallen behind a bit....

I know,I know.....she loves dogs more then cats but hey,no one is perfect other then my Lori.

Sunday will see her Deb come over to visit while I have to work. I think being home and having company will be a real boost to spirits!


Thanks for reading!

You can find me on Twitter at @Jinzo_2400

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