Its 1:10 am
Listening to Snow Patrol's "Chasing Cars"...settling my mind before I start this entry. It is hard because I am missing my Lori so very much....and I am pissed off.
I debated long and hard about writing this blog entry,talked to many close friends and weighed the pros and con of what I am going to write,that kindness only matters might take a bit of a hit today/tonight after I post this. But the more I thought about this,the more it seems like the thing to do because there is no excuse for unbridled arrogance and malice that I received for actually trying to show that kindness does matter.
I have taken to promoting my blog and my regular readers might have picked up on that my traffic has grown,there are many reasons for this.....superb guest bloggers,doing more interviews and doing a lot of commenting on other blogs. All has led to a sharp increase in readership,especially from Ashburn,Virginia!! (howdy Ashburn!).
This has led to a number of folks who leave comments as well on my various entries which I am very thankful for. There are a lot of fine writers out here and even if they are a average writer like myself,the topics covered often make for good reading and are thought provoking.
One of the blogs I came across in a blogging group belonged to a woman in Australia. She has a half and half blog...half shilling for different products and half of it personal. While I don't really know much about half the stuff she was pushing,I reserved my comments for her personal ones.
The first one I commented on was how Dannie (that is her name) was still trying hard to quit smoking and her struggles to do so. We all know people like that,trying to quit and needing support. A bunch of us bloggers dropped encouragement to Dannie. And soon she started came by and commented on some of my entries that I shared about Lori and I.
There weren't a lot of these exchanges as I had found a much active group and had been posting there more often but one in a while I will still post in this group. It happens that Dannie had posted a blog talking about "Fear".
This is the blog entry and includes my comment and as I wrote,she already knew about I have gone through.
Her entry really concerned me because I have seen folks with the same kind of fear about the dentist and have even helped two folks by sending them to the dentist we used and they were able to be treated after years of not seeing a dentist.
I admit,this entry really haunted me...five teeth rotted to the gumline PLUS a smoking habit,this is not a good combination to have. Plus who knows what other illnesses she could be suspect to getting? I actually reposted her blog around and asked folks for advice on how to help someone like this because quite frankly,I had never heard of anyone who wasn't a drug addict let their teeth go that badly because of the fear of the dentist.
Now while I know what I would suggest to someone here in the US about seeing a dentist,I don't know if those tactics would work in Australia...but I decided to reach out and write to Dannie with a couple of suggestions...
Above is our "discussion"....now mind you,this is coming from someone who knows I have lost Lori and has commented on some of my blog entries.
Now if I had come at her out of the blue with absolutely zero history,this would seem a bit humorous to me. 7,000 miles away and yet somehow this was taken as being hit on...
But the fact she knew better and thought this is very insulting and arrogant. I sat on this for a few days and was perplexed by the sheer gall by it. You know by reading my comment I was concerned as were others that this issue left untreated will walk in and take away your happiness and your family. You can't walk around with five rotted out holes in your mouth and expect to stay healthy. And I know this may seem mean and petty but seriously,what man,after reading that blog,is going to be beating down your door,married or not?
No,I am upset that this person would ignore and slight MY happy marriage and love for MY wife by implying I was hitting on her.
I know some of the folks here also read Dannie's blog and if you are one of those folks....this was my suggestion
1. Look for the largest university nearest your home
2. Contact the university and see if they have a dental school or a teaching medical wing (We have two where I live at the U of Michigan and U of Detroit-Mercy)
3. Set up a appointment to talk to a dentist there...why there instead of a normal dentist office? Easy answer,they have more TIME to spend with you and can discuss a lot of options. Most private dentists have the skills but not the time (or patience)
4. The cost of treatment will most likely be lower plus in case something does go wrong,well,you are already at a hospital.
5. Having open cavities in your mouth can increase your chances of getting oral cancer and that is nothing anyone ever wants to deal with.
6. If not for you,overcome your fear for the love of your family.
Am I wrong to express this kind of emotion for anyone? Was I out of line? Am I overreacting? Please let me know what you think about this exchange....
Went out to dinner with my friend Sue last night to a local restaurant,Antonio's for some pizza. We didn't mean to end up there as I was dressed in my fat man pants and a old UConn t-shirt that was covered with cheetah fur.
We walked in after the main dinner rush and were seated. Service was fast and friendly as we each ordered a small salad for me and some pasta for Sue. The pizza got there quickly and was very tasty. As we were talking,I took a drink from my Coke and felt a sharp pain on my lip...I looked and the edge of my glass was badly chipped. I felt for blood but the sensation was was fleeting and I moved the glass away so fast that I was spared getting cut.
I did ask for the manager and shared with him what happened...he looked very young and not sure on what to do...he took the glass and brought me a new one. We continued to eat when another,older gentleman came over...it was the owner himself,Antonio. He looked at me and said he had seen me in before..which is true...Lori and I used to enjoy eating there quite a bit but as cancer generally does,it slowly made it impossible to eat there after a while.
The truth of the matter is I have only been there 3 times in the past two years but I wholly believed Antonio because as my fellow night club co-workers can attest,we knew faces but rarely names...you just see too many people all at once for that to happen...
But I did share the story how I helped his mother at my job on a late Sunday night with a plumbing issue. His face lit up as he remembered that from last year...I introduced Sue and myself properly and where we worked at. We made small talk and he apologized for the glass and said it should have never made it on the floor. Sue and I made sure that our waitress wasn't going to get in trouble and proceeded to finish our dinner.
The waitress came over and said Antonio was picking up our tab for the meal which was very kind of him. While I had some homemade gelato for dessert,I thought how a act of kindness in helping his mother stayed with the owner and how blessed I was to be able to be in a place to help.
I like to thank my readers for showing such great support for guest blogger Susan Smiley entry,it must have touched a serious chord with many of you as so many have dropped a comment about the state of journalism both here and around the world.
If you are on Twitter,follow me @Jinzo_2400
Sue - for the company
Ashburn,Virginia - Thank for reading me
Jimmy Durkin - Thank you for the excellent SJSU blog,good to have a big voice!
Justin W. - Inventory prep has been a lot of fun...nicely done sir!
Antonio's - Thank you for your graciousness
Camille - Mocha was such a classy lady,wasn't she? A true queen indeed!
Chris Farnsworth - Nathaniel Cade? Yeah,I am hooked....
Ivy - safe flight home....your dream is awaiting for your return!