Thursday, July 10, 2014

A trip around the block....

Its 4:24 am


Photo

  So you are looking at this and wondering....what the blue blazes is this?

When Lori was in her final stages of her cancer journey,I was the person who administered her medications.
Be it a IV drip,norco,tamoxifen or liquid morphine,I was the one giving it to Lori. I was very faithful to her schedule and when I needed help,her oncology team was extremely supportive in walking me through what I needed and when the time came for hospice,the transition was pretty easy.
   After my lovely wife went to her reward,I was left with what do with the extra meds I had left over..I have blogged about my options,I could turn them into the police or toss them out...or even a flush them down the toilet. Those options were no options,the police really didn't want to have deal with disposal,you can't just toss away heavy narcotics away in the trash and certainly there was no way I was going to flush them.
  So that left me with one idea,to create enough coffee grounds that I could grind/pour the meds into the bowl and then toss them safely out.

  Funny thing happened to my plan,the bowl just kept growing and growing in size as I just kept on making excuses and reasons on why I haven't done this as of yet.
  So you are looking at every and I mean every pot of coffee that I brewed since May 2013. And no,I still haven't tossed away her meds as of yet. I am sure some shrink would have a answer for this...

 Got a knock on my door the other day...it was my neighbor's son who's bike I have been "keeping" ever since he left it outside against his mother's wishes. The parents and I both agreed that the son should write a letter of apology to the mom for disobeying her and leaving his brand new bike unattended to like that.
 This incident happened on 18 June and only yesterday had he come over with the letter. I had suggested to him he should write the letter two days after I had the bike. I told his folks my idea and they liked it a lot.

  But nothing happened so I hired the boys to help me do a project and again suggested a letter would be in order. He said he would and I talked to his mom about it again...but still heard nothing. I was a little confused about why he wasn't writing it,I knew it wasn't because he didn't care or respect his folks...so when he showed up and explained he had been gone two weeks on a camping trip,it made perfect sense. Hard to bring over a letter when you are 1,500 miles away!
   So I gave another mini lecture and gave back his bike and helmet and also put his letter on my fridge as a reminder that I would not see his bike outside again.

I am very down these days,I can feel my sadness and depression closing in around me. The long overnights at my job are ending just in time for me,I am getting beat up by the quiet once my co-workers go home at midnight. We still have people working,its just they are elsewhere in the store and we work alone pretty much after midnight.

  My energy and emotional levels are down,these three months are just the worst in terms of pure memories.
Death,union,birth...all swirling in my heart,far too many times as of late I have come home and just stared at where Lori's hospice bed was at...and going back to the times I sat with her,or giving her a drink,IV drip or a norco (a pain med). I asked a co-worker whose own wife has a very serious case of Trigeminal neuralgia
that he deals with on a daily basis,I asked him "When was the last time you were happy"? A simple question and my answer is as well...the last day I felt happy was the day before Lori's illness was discovered. I have ran the gamut of emotions ever since but truly happy wasn't one. I have been hopeful,thankful,loving,caring,angry,heartbroken, even peaceful in some respects but a wake up happy and go to bed happy day?

  Lori would have been 55 come the 25th of July...I know she would have wanted to travel somewhere fun,maybe a return trip to Washington,D.C. or somewhere south of here. Well,I can't afford nor am I in a mood for that but I can continue to do home improvements as I have been doing this week.
  My buddy Rich came back over today and we caulked the garage,cut away a dead heavy vine,cleaned the gutters and measured out where I am going to have to put in a board. Also went to spray some carpenter bees but ran out of spray so that will have to wait til tomorrow morning when I go get the supplies.
  Half of my basement is now clean and I am ready to tackle the Christmas side and the basement table as well. Of course the cheetah likes to come down and hang out with me while that is happening. He sits in the corner,purrs loudly and meows a few times as well....I believe this is called being supervised.
 
  The weekend of the 4th of July,the crew at work was talking about fireworks and how every year there is always someone careless who does something stupid. Everyone started telling stories about people they either knew or read about who managed to go to the extreme on the 4th.
   Lucky for me,I have never actually known anyone personally who did something that goofy (as I pat the BB still lodged in my jaw). I heard about a neighborhood kid who was hurt when he put firecrackers under a ceramic flowerpot that blew up in his face and when Lori and I lived in Northville,a man who lived not that far away ended blowing 3 fingers off his hand...and the guy in California (where else) who blew off BOTH hands fooling around with fireworks just this past week.

   Every year our local media nationwide always harp on the public to keep it safe and avoid the crippling or even fatal injuries that go along with being careless about handling fireworks. That includes house fires as well as shooting bullets in the air (a Detroit tradition).
  So it was a surprise to hear about a local weatherman for our ABC local station in Detroit,Dave Rexroth,who was in Iowa for the holiday,was seriously injured when a firework either blew up by his face or he was hit in the face by a flying firework. Either way,he was in the wrong place at the wrong time and ended losing a eye in the accident. He still currently in the hospital where he is having surgery to put in a prosthetic eye and will be off the air until September.
  He is one of the favorite media folks in our area and in that regard,I hope he recovers quickly and is able to resume his duties at Channel 7.



 Found out that I missed the local DVD sale at my Dollar Tree. I stopped by there to pick up some household supplies and checked the small DVD area only to see fresh movies. I poked through them picking up every new title I saw regardless of what it is.
  Since I have a lot of new readers,let me introduce you to what Dollar Tree Theater is. You can click the link or know that Lori and I loved Dollar Tree. About twice a year,the chain will sell DVDs for a buck.  Many are older films you may have heard of,there are a even a few DVD sets of TV series (I picked up the series "Daybreak" at one sale) but most are low budget obscure films that no one saw. Once in a blue moon,you might find a recent release like "Red Light"..it just depends on lucky you are when you stumble across the rare sale.

   I buy every single title I see whether I know it or not,many times I will just put it on for background noise while I putter away. And sometimes I actually sit down and watch it. But my store had been pretty much wiped out so I got only four films...decided to cruise to another store a couple of miles away where I had more luck with finding 7 movies including a Japanese anime film which was a first.
  It was then that I found out just how long it had been since I had actually stopped by as the clerk said the DVDs had come in a month ago and that I was getting the dregs...I sort of guessed that when I saw the Jessica Simpson movie "Blonde Ambition" sitting in the bin and yes,I bought a copy. I wonder if I could get paid for reviewing these old chestnuts.

  I like to extend a invite to all the new folks who have come across the blog to join my Networked Blogs group or via the Google Friend Connect which are on the side of the blog.  Also,please take a minute to explore some of the writers I follow which include my friend Sydney who is a special young lady who writes a raw and personal blog like this one.

Well I guess that is it for now.....again,thanks to everyone who supported my Food Stamp Nation entry and left some great feedback.

If you are on Twitter,please feel free to add me @Jinzo_2400. Love to sweep tweets with you.


Shout Outs

Lisa Adams - Love and light to you.
Rob W. - Thanks for another late night chat...and for sharing. We can do this.
Sue E. - Thanks for the company always...hope you enjoy the Sherlock Holmes series as much as I did.
Barb - Thank you again!
Rich - Finally feel like our repairs are going to make a real difference
Jack - Hope your back feels better soon
Dollar Tree - thanks for the DVD sale,do it again soon!
Monique Parent - stay cool in Vegas
Huron Valley Animal Shelter - for all the hard work the folks there do,you guys rock
To everyone who leaves a comment - you rock as well!!
Debbie R - java!















57 comments:

  1. Gosh, your posts are always so varied.
    I liked that tale about the bike. What a good idea!
    It sounds like you are your wife's rock.
    :)

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    1. Sophie,I think we were both each other's rock...Lori was the bravest person I have ever met,she was and is my life.
      Thank you for commenting!

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  2. So sorry to hear about your wife. I would imagine it would be hard to know what to do after she passed. I like that you are finding projects and like hearing what you have to say.

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    1. Thank you for your kind comment...I was having a terrible night last night when I wrote this entry,some days are just so painful,it wears on your soul...

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  3. So sorry to hear about your wife. It must be a very difficult thing to adjust to her being gone. It sounds like your life is quite busy and varied, and hopefully that will help the grief.

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    1. Trying to do a couple of tasks a day is a goal I need to do much more often...some days I just don't have it in me.

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  4. What a great lesson to teach the young man about the bike. I am sure he won't leave it out again.

    Michelle F.

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    1. You know Michelle,I don't think he will either!

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  5. Sorry to hear about your wife, I'm new here. I had a neighbor that lost her husband to cancer and she was left with loads of meds at her home since he choice to die at home with the aid of morphine. I believe she turned it all in to the hospital and they did something with it.

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    1. A lot of hospitals don't do that anymore and the police don't like dealing with it as well....despite these being heavy narcotics. One day I will find the will to dispose of them properly.

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  6. You went from 1 thing to another.. lol The kid needed to be taught a lesson.. my kids were taught a similar one when they forget to bring things inside..

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    1. I know,I write all over the place,out of focus at times....but hey,at least its entertaining I hope....

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  7. I'm so sorry to hear about your wife. As hard as it is, try to look back on the happy years you had together. It sounds like you were able to experience some wonderful things with her, so just cherish those memories.

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    1. I do...I really do. There is a lot of good memories which is why I mourn so much for Lori not being here.

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  8. The clearing of spaces helps with the clearings of thoughts. Good to know you have company for that.

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    1. Yes,it has helped quite a bit....small steps

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  9. So sorry to hear about your wife. Everyone grieves in their own way, and I can completely understand why tossing out her medication could be something you are putting off right now, but when you are ready the company that provided your wife with her hospice care should be able to take the medications and destroy them for you.

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    1. That is a option I didn't think about only because her hospital wouldn't take them...thanks for the suggestion

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  10. I'm sorry to hear that your feeling down. It's great that your talking about it, I hear that some times helps.

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    Replies
    1. writing is a form of grief therapy....it does help

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  11. Fireworks are a great part of the fourth of July celebration, and there is certainly a reason why safety is preached so heavily leading up to the holiday. A lot of varied thoughts presented here, but I really enjoyed reading em.

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    1. Its very sad about our weather guy,he really seems like the nicest guy according to his peers.

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  12. I like what you did with the bike, smart approach to the problem.

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    1. thank you! I think it will be very effective going forward...

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  13. I'm sorry to haer about your wife. You post was very genuine.

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  14. Very sorry to hear about your wife. I lost a friend to cancer 4 years ago, it's a difficult time to go through.

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    1. Its the worst thing to go through outside losing a child in my opinion....

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  15. I hate to hear that you're going through a particularly rough patch right now. I do think somehow the medicine still being there is a way for you to hang on. You'll know when it's time to let that go though.

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    1. some days I have to talk myself off the ledge....find a purpose,a goal to achieve. It can be rough sometimes....

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  16. Thanks for sharing your thoughts! I don't think my neighbors would be so supportive if I tried to hold a toy hostage. :-)

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    1. well,I think if you partnered with them like I did,I think it would it work....but some "parents" care less then a kid does at times...

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  17. Such a painful story. Thank you for sharing it.

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    1. and thank you for reading it....*s*

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  18. Replies
    1. Thanks Stone....we need to do a interview on here

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  19. Nice article, Jessica Simpson is an interesting person.

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    1. Really "enjoyed" being cursed at on the group page....stay classy.
      Guess that is the block button is for. *smh*

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  20. Wow that is quite a bit of different topics! I am sorry you had to experience these things.

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    1. Thank you....I wish no one had to go through this...

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  21. Aw this is too sad. Keep on smiling and God will do the rest! :)

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  22. I hope things get better. :) I browse the dvd at the dollar store too. I like to watch old weird movies and usually we have background noise going. I will let you in on a secret I too have that Blonde Ambition but I didn't get it at the dollar store. lol :)

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    1. Nice!
      Wal-Mart is actually pretty good to browse as well....they have low budget movie collections for only 5 bucks.

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  23. so sorry about your wife.. nice and inspirational post.. :)

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    1. Thank you for your sweet comment!

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  24. I'm sorry that you're feeling down. Thank goodness the gullies are only a season. Wishing you sunshine soon.

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  25. Thanks for the heads up about the Dollar Tree DVD's... and what a story about the Detroit weatherman, that would stink!!!! I've never been a big fan of using fireworks. But, I do like them from a distance, lol...

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  26. Grief is such a strange thing, it comes and goes on its own schedule, sometimes like a tide, sometimes like a tidal wave. Anniversaries are hard. I've lost friends to cancer, which isn't the same thing as losing a spouse. I can only say I'm sorry, and I hope the grief lifts some for you again soon.

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  27. Boontarika - There's a lot of strength in sharing so much vulnerability and pain as you have. Thank you so much for your words and experiences. I think social media has a place for many of us to support one another during these rough times in life.

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  28. My kids would never have their bikes! They always leave them out. Gosh. Good idea.

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    1. Maybe team up with your neighbor for a life lesson....

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  29. great thing to do and a great lesson for that with a bike! a great idea. i do sometimes asked my daughter to say sorry mommy 3x when she did something hahaha

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    1. I like that idea...positive reinforcement

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  30. I'm so sorry to hear about your wife!

    I know it is really hard for the one who is facing the situation. But, try to remember the happy moments you guys spent together. Stay strong... she is around you and she will only be satisfied and happy when she finds you happy and smiling

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  31. I wish more people would teach children lessons in respect. Sorry about your wife.

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