Its 4:24 am
So you are looking at this and wondering....what the blue blazes is this?
When Lori was in her final stages of her cancer journey,I was the person who administered her medications.
Be it a IV drip,norco,tamoxifen or liquid morphine,I was the one giving it to Lori. I was very faithful to her schedule and when I needed help,her oncology team was extremely supportive in walking me through what I needed and when the time came for hospice,the transition was pretty easy.
After my lovely wife went to her reward,I was left with what do with the extra meds I had left over..I have blogged about my options,I could turn them into the police or toss them out...or even a flush them down the toilet. Those options were no options,the police really didn't want to have deal with disposal,you can't just toss away heavy narcotics away in the trash and certainly there was no way I was going to flush them.
So that left me with one idea,to create enough coffee grounds that I could grind/pour the meds into the bowl and then toss them safely out.
Funny thing happened to my plan,the bowl just kept growing and growing in size as I just kept on making excuses and reasons on why I haven't done this as of yet.
So you are looking at every and I mean every pot of coffee that I brewed since May 2013. And no,I still haven't tossed away her meds as of yet. I am sure some shrink would have a answer for this...
Got a knock on my door the other day...it was my neighbor's son who's bike I have been "keeping" ever since he left it outside against his mother's wishes. The parents and I both agreed that the son should write a letter of apology to the mom for disobeying her and leaving his brand new bike unattended to like that.
This incident happened on 18 June and only yesterday had he come over with the letter. I had suggested to him he should write the letter two days after I had the bike. I told his folks my idea and they liked it a lot.
But nothing happened so I hired the boys to help me do a project and again suggested a letter would be in order. He said he would and I talked to his mom about it again...but still heard nothing. I was a little confused about why he wasn't writing it,I knew it wasn't because he didn't care or respect his folks...so when he showed up and explained he had been gone two weeks on a camping trip,it made perfect sense. Hard to bring over a letter when you are 1,500 miles away!
So I gave another mini lecture and gave back his bike and helmet and also put his letter on my fridge as a reminder that I would not see his bike outside again.
I am very down these days,I can feel my sadness and depression closing in around me. The long overnights at my job are ending just in time for me,I am getting beat up by the quiet once my co-workers go home at midnight. We still have people working,its just they are elsewhere in the store and we work alone pretty much after midnight.
My energy and emotional levels are down,these three months are just the worst in terms of pure memories.
Death,union,birth...all swirling in my heart,far too many times as of late I have come home and just stared at where Lori's hospice bed was at...and going back to the times I sat with her,or giving her a drink,IV drip or a norco (a pain med). I asked a co-worker whose own wife has a very serious case of Trigeminal neuralgia
that he deals with on a daily basis,I asked him "When was the last time you were happy"? A simple question and my answer is as well...the last day I felt happy was the day before Lori's illness was discovered. I have ran the gamut of emotions ever since but truly happy wasn't one. I have been hopeful,thankful,loving,caring,angry,heartbroken, even peaceful in some respects but a wake up happy and go to bed happy day?
Lori would have been 55 come the 25th of July...I know she would have wanted to travel somewhere fun,maybe a return trip to Washington,D.C. or somewhere south of here. Well,I can't afford nor am I in a mood for that but I can continue to do home improvements as I have been doing this week.
My buddy Rich came back over today and we caulked the garage,cut away a dead heavy vine,cleaned the gutters and measured out where I am going to have to put in a board. Also went to spray some carpenter bees but ran out of spray so that will have to wait til tomorrow morning when I go get the supplies.
Half of my basement is now clean and I am ready to tackle the Christmas side and the basement table as well. Of course the cheetah likes to come down and hang out with me while that is happening. He sits in the corner,purrs loudly and meows a few times as well....I believe this is called being supervised.
The weekend of the 4th of July,the crew at work was talking about fireworks and how every year there is always someone careless who does something stupid. Everyone started telling stories about people they either knew or read about who managed to go to the extreme on the 4th.
Lucky for me,I have never actually known anyone personally who did something that goofy (as I pat the BB still lodged in my jaw). I heard about a neighborhood kid who was hurt when he put firecrackers under a ceramic flowerpot that blew up in his face and when Lori and I lived in Northville,a man who lived not that far away ended blowing 3 fingers off his hand...and the guy in California (where else) who blew off BOTH hands fooling around with fireworks just this past week.
Every year our local media nationwide always harp on the public to keep it safe and avoid the crippling or even fatal injuries that go along with being careless about handling fireworks. That includes house fires as well as shooting bullets in the air (a Detroit tradition).
So it was a surprise to hear about a local weatherman for our ABC local station in Detroit,Dave Rexroth,who was in Iowa for the holiday,was seriously injured when a firework either blew up by his face or he was hit in the face by a flying firework. Either way,he was in the wrong place at the wrong time and ended losing a eye in the accident. He still currently in the hospital where he is having surgery to put in a prosthetic eye and will be off the air until September.
He is one of the favorite media folks in our area and in that regard,I hope he recovers quickly and is able to resume his duties at Channel 7.
Found out that I missed the local DVD sale at my Dollar Tree. I stopped by there to pick up some household supplies and checked the small DVD area only to see fresh movies. I poked through them picking up every new title I saw regardless of what it is.
Since I have a lot of new readers,let me introduce you to what Dollar Tree Theater is. You can click the link or know that Lori and I loved Dollar Tree. About twice a year,the chain will sell DVDs for a buck. Many are older films you may have heard of,there are a even a few DVD sets of TV series (I picked up the series "Daybreak" at one sale) but most are low budget obscure films that no one saw. Once in a blue moon,you might find a recent release like "Red Light"..it just depends on lucky you are when you stumble across the rare sale.
I buy every single title I see whether I know it or not,many times I will just put it on for background noise while I putter away. And sometimes I actually sit down and watch it. But my store had been pretty much wiped out so I got only four films...decided to cruise to another store a couple of miles away where I had more luck with finding 7 movies including a Japanese anime film which was a first.
It was then that I found out just how long it had been since I had actually stopped by as the clerk said the DVDs had come in a month ago and that I was getting the dregs...I sort of guessed that when I saw the Jessica Simpson movie "Blonde Ambition" sitting in the bin and yes,I bought a copy. I wonder if I could get paid for reviewing these old chestnuts.
I like to extend a invite to all the new folks who have come across the blog to join my Networked Blogs group or via the Google Friend Connect which are on the side of the blog. Also,please take a minute to explore some of the writers I follow which include my friend Sydney who is a special young lady who writes a raw and personal blog like this one.
Well I guess that is it for now.....again,thanks to everyone who supported my Food Stamp Nation entry and left some great feedback.
If you are on Twitter,please feel free to add me @Jinzo_2400. Love to sweep tweets with you.
Lisa Adams - Love and light to you.
Rob W. - Thanks for another late night chat...and for sharing. We can do this.
Sue E. - Thanks for the company always...hope you enjoy the Sherlock Holmes series as much as I did.
Barb - Thank you again!
Rich - Finally feel like our repairs are going to make a real difference
Jack - Hope your back feels better soon
Dollar Tree - thanks for the DVD sale,do it again soon!
Monique Parent - stay cool in Vegas
Huron Valley Animal Shelter - for all the hard work the folks there do,you guys rock
To everyone who leaves a comment - you rock as well!!
Debbie R - java!