Friday, May 24, 2013

One Week and Counting (originally posted 29 March 2011)

Its 8:47 am
     I am posting some earlier blogs that I wrote on my FB page before moving over here. A lot of folks haven't seen these as of yet. 
  Tomorrow is Lori's funeral. Yesterday I talked with Debbie over at St. Thomas a Beckets about Lori's life. Tonight I'm writing her eulogy....15 years crammed into 3 minutes. How does one do that? Debbie says she has never had a spouse give a eulogy in the 20 years she has been at St. Thomas...which sort of stunned me. I can't think of a better person then a spouse as who knows you then the person who shared your life would?
   Yesterday was a bit more rugged,like I told someone,the nights are the worst. The sheer weight of the pain,good times and talking in bed or just watching her sleep (I did that a lot!!) just comes roaring in. The only sound I hear is my tears rolling down my face or a gentle purring sound from Derek as he keeps looking at me and sleeping in Lori's spot. Its why I am up all night...restless.
  One highlight,Devin,the foot surgeon from Dr. Fallat's office, invited me to go listen to Ziggy Ansah speak at a LDS church in Livonia. The place was packed but not uncomfortable. Listening to him speak,one wonders if he has the temperament to play in the NFL. His speaking voice is very soft and you can see he is unused to public speaking. He just seems more suited to be a school teacher then a defensive end in the NFL...I asked Ziggy if San Jose State was the toughest team he faced last year,he said all the schools were the same,he enjoyed playing against everyone. 
  Afterwards Devin and I talked for a while,he shared an amazing story about a young man whose foot was badly injured in an industrial accident. Two different teams of doctors wrote off the foot and said that man would lose his leg at the knee. Devin said in a last ditch effort,they asked Dr. Fallat to look at which Dr. Fallot said "We can save this foot". Devin and Dr. Fallot then led the team that indeed saved this man's foot and spared him a crippling life altering loss. The two other teams? know which hospital they were from if you have read this blog regularly.
   Devin is wrapping up his time here with Dr. Fallot,he is leaving for New Mexico for a new job come the end of June. Our loss is New Mexico's huge gain. 

Je'Rean Blake- I still remember and I still mourn. 

 This is my entry I wrote right before Lori's surgery to remove her uterus.

Its 10:26 am
    The countdown has started,next Tuesday will my wife and I at the U of M Cancer Center where she'll be under going surgery to remove her uterus. I feel like a sea wall in Japan right before that tsunami hit,effective 99% of the time,totally wiped out during a real deal. I'm struggling to find a way to calm her fear and despite trying all of my known tricks,I admit...I don't know what to say other then she in the best of hands and that many,many people are praying for her.
Enjoyed our day off wife did her work schedule while I was culling out old coupons and putting in the new ones in our binder. Of course I had help with this in the form of Derek jumping up and laying across the new coupons. How does a cat go from jumping on a ottoman to looking he has been sleeping hard in less then a minute??
  Finished this about 45 minutes...yes,45 minutes,you haven't seen our coupon binder.
First big stop was the post office....then we went to our old stomping grounds of Northville. Had lunch at Papa Vinos and popped over to the Barnes and Noble and picked up Fangoria 302. New editor Chris Alexander has really stepped up the quality of the zine and while I have always been a fan since meeting Tony Timpone at my first horror convention ages ago,the fresh energy has made Fango that much more fun to read.
  Next we headed to Joe's Produce in Livonia....then picked up some birthday cards for my pops and nephew.
 The day was sunny and cold...old man winter is still trying to hang out with us. What makes this a bit funny ...its Tornado Awareness week here in SE Michigan. Last year was a pretty active one for us...Michigan gets about 16 twisters a year but we had 27 of them last year,including one that hit a nuclear power plant about 40 miles away.
  Its sort of hard thinking about tornadoes when your local weather guy is still saying "snow".
As we head back to our house,we drove through Plymouth and saw a new (for us) consignment shop called Home Again.
It was located outside of downtown which is a real shame. Plymouth used to be one of the coolest places to chill...lots of cool shops,a used CD store and a nice bookstore. Plus our favorite place,Gabrialas,where we got our Cat Meow pieces.
Now its all changed,its mostly restaurants now. All the shops that made going to Plymouth fun are gone which is why we rarely go there anymore.
   But Home Again was pretty sporty,lots of funky pictures,lamps,jewelry and other home ideas. We were the only customers in the store and it was relaxing walk about looking for something fun. We settled on a piece of art,a beautiful pair of candlesticks and some fun earrings...all for 20 bucks!  It definitely deserves a return visit.
  Came home and unpacked the car and watched Dancing with the Stars. My boy,Hines Ward,wasn't too shabby and danced well. Thought Kirstie Alley danced very nicely as well and as long as she improves,she has a good chance to finish in the Top 3.
Well,that is all I got....thanks for reading.


  1. I've been thinking about you and how you are dealing with this. Nothing any of us can say will make things better and that sucks because we want to do something, say something to ease the pain. But I admit that I know nothing can and nothing will, not now anyway. My dad passed away from a stroke in March 2009. One night he stroked 24 hours later he was gone, just like that. He went in his sleep in a coma in the ICU. With all his family there, that was it. Mom and dad celebrated their 43rd anniversary on February 11th exactly one month before he died. I watched how she handled it. It was hard and then, I don't know...she found the strength to go on,she had to. It's that or...die.

    One thing I should note is after dad died, mom felt his presence in the house with her...the smell of his aftershave one night while sitting at the computer...I remember her telling me it gave her great comfort.I think dad stayed with her until she was truly ready to stand on her own.

    *Sigh* this is going to be the hardest thing you'll ever have to do I'm sure but you can get through it. Keep writing, keep her memory alive and don't be afraid to lean on family and friends. Take it ONE DAY AT A TIME my friend. That is all you can do.


    1. Thank you Jessica....I do feel Lori is still here in many ways....whispering in my ear,when Derek meows at the strangest of times. I still find myself jumping at the slightest noises thinking she needs me...I keep saying the same thing,the nights are the worst and I miss her so very seems my heart breaks all over again at the night...