Let me tell you how funny cancer is...(and other stuff!)

Its 12:32 am

    Another cold grey day here in SE Michigan,its been a week since we have seen sustained sunshine here. Guess Fall is rapidly pulling out and old man winter is come to visit.

 Paladin is doing extremely well and is behaving like a boss. Yesterday,I opened the blinds in the living room so he could scope out the birds hiding in the shrubs,they were trying to stay dry from the all day rain we got on Halloween. He jumped up and was extremely animated,making chattering noises. Now before,he would be really tense and ready to growl if I touched him...but what I did was sit down and watch him...when I said his name,he jumped over and asked for a pat on his head and some sugar...impossible two weeks ago. Now I didn't open the window itself so he wasn't overwhelmed with the noises and smells. We'll have all winter to work on this issue and see if he can't find a happy medium come spring time. 

  I got some great news this week for a change.....our co-worker Justin is home today or tomorrow. He was our store's HR person and also a Naval Reservist who trained men to fight fires. Through some unholy reason,he was selected to go to Afghanistan and serve as a soldier manning a high risk security checkpoint. 

Before he left,Lori asked me to give him a cross of hers as a way of asking God to keep him safe and sane during his posting. I know he is home safe but until I get to talk with him and see for myself,I just hope he didn't see any combat or have to shoot in anger. The stress level he must have been under must have been immense. The good thing is he going to be able to come back to our store,in what position we don't know as we have a new scheduler since he left. I haven't spoken to him since he left,I know he talked to three other people but I can understand that,we have 110 employees and trying to stay in touch would be next to impossible. Just overjoyed he is home...

  The kitchen project is coming along well enough...Howard came by and applied another coat of mud to the crack and will be grouting the crack in the tile come this Monday. That will be part one of the house project,next we will be weatherproofing it before it really gets cold.

 

  Last Saturday saw me home and following the Wyoming-San Jose State on ESPN.com. It looked ugly as the Cowboys jumped to three 16 point leads before the Spartans came roaring back to stop Wyoming,51-44 as quarterback David Fales passed for 482 yards and 5 touchdowns and scored the winning score on a 1 yard rush with 8 seconds remaining. Leading the defense was ball hawk CB Bene Benwikere who had a interception and a fumble recovery. San Jose State is now 3-1 in Mountain West play and 4-3 overall. Today they will be at UNLV who is a surprising 3-1 and 5-3. This game is for 2nd place in the West Division and a must win for the Spartans before they come home to battle a much improved San Diego State team. 

  As for me,I will miss the game as I am going on my first social gathering since Lori's leaving. My coffee friend Sue from work is hosting a party at her house for the Michigan-Michigan State game. She is a die-hard Wolverine fan (I know,I keep trying to convince her she is rooting for the wrong team!) and she invites a ton of folks for a huge feast and to watch the game. Afterwards,if the weather allows,she is going to have a bonfire in her huge fire pit. I have to say,I am looking forward to going,even if I get there after the game. I am sure it will be a good time for everyone. 

  

  I was looking at my old entries...it was October of last year that we learned Lori's cancer had come back. That in six months,she would be gone. I get told all the time not to look back,not to have regret,not wonder "what if"...but its never that simple. It is what happens when you have nothing but the memories of a long struggle. I know that eventually that the good memories will come back...I look at our wedding pictures and the other signs that marked 14 years of being a couple.
  I have a friend on Facebook named Nancy Gershman,we have chatted a little but this week was a little different,she posted a interview on her website. Its part of a series called Tragicomedia in which she asks different people on how they deal with the death of a loved one and how humor plays a role.

  Its a bold idea and I grant Nancy that,its a subject I wouldn't approach and that includes if Lori was alive.

Well the interview I read was by a woman named Sandi,who calls herself "The Irreverent Widow" after her husband died of pancreatic cancer.

   What Sandi thought was humor merely comes across as crass and disrespectful. The crap about wearing sexy clothes,the grief group not having enough "good looking people",the doctor telling her husband that his wife has a nice ass...what a crock of horseshit. And that is what I wrote in my comment (I was very nice on Nancy's page but since I'm on my ground here,I can cut loose). 

 At my store,we have at two widows,a woman whose husband is very sick with kidney problems and a man who transferred from Florida to Michigan because his wife was dying and they wanted to be near family. Well his wife died four days ago....but I asked the three ladies if they saw any humor during their husband's ordeal and deaths. I shared the story on the website and they were pretty offended. I didn't tell them anything but what the interview said and I was neutral in the telling. The humor is found in the warm memories of the relationship,the days when you were lying in bed or on a blanket watching fireworks and made a joke of some little event. Small things like Derek chewing up a slipper or Lori burning a dinner so bad and I sat there telling her how good it was while my face said "what the devil is this"? 

  Watching someone you are in love with is not funny. There are some gentle moments,like drinking contrast before a MRI or watching Terrie and Melanie fuss over Lori. But there isn't anything funny at what cancer does. Sandi's idea of humor reminds me of what Chris Rock said about homelessness. He said if you see a homeless person with a funny sign,there haven't been homeless very long. 

  And that what I felt when I read her interview,she could use humor so easily,not so much as a coping mechanism,but I feel because there was a lack of a true love there...maybe they were more friends then soulmates,I don't know. I just found her to be a sorely lacking in the compassion department. Overly sensitive? Maybe....but I don't think so...

  You be the judge....here is the link to the interview.  Read it and then come here and let me know what you think. I did notice one thing about Nancy's series....the lack of comments. Not because she isn't a good a writer because she is but I think people are too taken back at some of the flippant answers that are so easy to say but maybe not easy to actually experience.

 

 So yesterday was Hello Kitty's birthday. She turned 39 years old and looks the same as the day she was born. I have written this many times but since there are always new readers just joining the party...Hello Kitty was pretty big in our house. Not crazy big but I always bought a Hello Kitty calender as Lori's first Christmas gift every year. I also got her one small Hello Kitty item as well...be it a pen set,a pad of paper,Christmas Tree ornament. It was one of my favorite things to give her,she would always insist on small items because she didn't want anyone to come over and see a house full of Hello Kitty.

 I spent the day at my store reminding folks that it was her birthday. It made me feel close to Lori today,she would have called me "goofy" and she would have been right.

 

My next entry will be on Sunday night and it will be by guest blogger Susan Smiley. I am looking forward to seeing what she has to write about this time 'round. And I am glad to say that its a much happier column then her first one.  

I worked on Halloween night this year. It was a miserable,rainy day and night. It pretty much washed out the kids in my sub from going trick or treating. I had written that many folks here had once again cut back on the displays that had been abundant that past three years. When I rolled in my sub at 8:30 pm,there wasn't a single kid out but that wasn't the case elsewhere.

  It seems like some subs are now posting signs asking that only those neighborhood kids who live there to be to go door to door. Too many churches from dangerous places (Detroit,Inkster) are loading kids up and heading to the suburbs to go trick or treating. We saw that happen three years ago and in fact we ran out of candy and Lori had to dash out for more. 

  One of my co-workers said 90% of the kids she saw were not from her neighborhood and that she ran out of candy far faster then normal. She was upset about this and said it wasn't fair to her own kids. What do you think? Would you be willing to pass out candy to a bused in group of kids?

Doing a 30 Day photo challenge this month with Andy and Kerri Appleton....we have a theme that we have to shoot a picture that best describes the word of the day. For Day One,Picture One....the word is "truth"

I will post the rest of the month as I blog along. 

Shout Outs!

Barb- Thank you so much!
Andy and Kerri - What a great idea!

Gretchen Peters - Not missing your show this time!
Nancy G.- Thank you for allowing me to comment on your page
Sue - Go Blue! (for this Saturday at least)
McFly - 3 World Series in 9 years? Break up the Red Sox!

Steve and Jimmy - Thanks for not blowing us out too badly
Maren- It was nice meeting you this week.
SU2C- That was so overwhelming this week,so very touched!
Brad and Michelle- Wish you were here to see number three with me!
Bene - Have another great game!
Noel - Get that knee better,we need you #23!
Susan- Going live on Sunday!

Follow Me on Twitter

@Jinzo_2400

  

We should all be like Mike Patterson

Its 5:15 pm

    Its a dark and stormy day here in SE Michigan...and sitting here with a bunch of thoughts in my head.

First I like to thank actor/director Stephen Foster for such a great interview..and I hope you all enjoyed reading it as well...in fact,I was already approached by any actor who also wants to answer 8 Questions and so I will be bringing that to you very soon.

While the nation went through a pivotal week with the Supreme Court invalidating key sections of the Voting Rights Act of 1965 which helped black Americans in 9 Southern states ensure a safe and fair vote without the same states gerrymandering districts in order to lessen the black vote.
  The Supreme Court said basically that such practices don't happen in today's society and that the law was old and outdated. The vote was 5 to 4. Of course the court showed again on how out of touch it is by telling a hostile Congress to push forward a new updated law designed to ensure equality at the polls. The 9 states affected now have the power to gerrymander without any fear of the Federal Government. And do you really think a teapublican Congress gives a rat's ass on pushing through any sort of reform?

So while America was debating the impact of such a move,the Court then said that gay marriage is now legal despite some slanderous lies from several justices about the ruling. Face it,this isn't about marriage but free will,always has been. Why it does it matter if someone is gay or not in order to get married,raise a child,join the Boy Scouts or even in the Armed Forces?  They are no different from any other American in the fact they have to work,pay taxes,obey the law of the land. Teapublicans are quick to say its against the Bible and its threatens American moral values....what a crock of bullshit. And considering the scum who are trying to deny these folks the same free will that allows them to shoot and maim 105,000 of their fellow Christians a year,well....what do you from a bunch of white men in power who seek to control what we say and do
on a daily basis. I read the crap these heathens sprout out of their asses,its downright embarrassing. No one has taken away of their rights,yet they continue to wage war against women in regards to abortion (Gov. Rick Perry called women a "breeding vessel"),blacks in regards to giving them a chance to go get an affordable education and having a chance at the American dream,illegal aliens in our country. (I have said it a thousand times over,if the teapublicans were serious about securing our borders,they could have erected a Berlin War type on the Mexican border on 9/12/2001 and no one would have said shit against it,instead,NOTHING was done and we're supposed to be upset now?)
 
  And of course George Zimmerman is on trial for murdering Trayvon Martin. Its not a racial crime...its a gun crime. Martin was just in the wrong place at the wrong time in the wrong state. Zimmerman should be convicted of 2nd degree murder but there is a strong chance he won't because of Florida's Stand Your Ground law. You know the law,Texas has one as well....it allowed a man to shoot and kill a woman who denied him sex as a paid escort who was holding to his 150.00. Only in the NRA controlled America can you see two simple cases of cold blooded murder get defended by hiding behind a old and very out of date amendment.

But as all this was going down.....Mike Patterson lost his battle this morning. Who was Mike Patterson you ask?Mike was a 43 year old from Georgia who boating on a lake with his son on 8 June,saw a 4 year old little girl struggling to stay afloat. Mike,who just two weeks earlier,had saved a man from a burning inferno of a crash crash,dove in to help the little girl. What no one knew was the water was very shallow and upon entry,Mike Patterson shattered his neck in 3 places...His very act was to push the little girl towards safety before losing feeling and going face down for about 3 minutes in the water.
  The little girl,Javaeh Jones,was safe,thanks to Mike Patterson. Mike himself,who had just started a new construction job and had no health/life insurance,was rushed to a local hospital where he in critical condition
and remained so for the rest of his life. Friends and supporters started a "Friends of Mike Patterson" Facebook page and website to help defray what would have been a lifetime of huge medical bills. Prayers were sent up on the behalf of this very brave and unassuming father who saw someone's child in trouble.
 The Bible says "There is no greater love then when one gives their live for another". Mike Patterson proved that without a doubt.
  Mike really never regained any real consciousness as the doctors kept him in a medical induced coma and a ventilator for most of the time.


The posts on the Facebook page echoed a lot of what I went through with Lori's last week,a slow decline picking up speed. And today,God called Mike Patterson home,he had endured enough. I understand a little more about why God does what He does...the pain and suffering of our loved ones isn't to prolong their pain but to help us endure it for our lives. Its a harsh and very painful lesson to be sure of and now Mike Patterson's family,just like so many others,will have to stand stronger a little bit more and take comfort in the man,husband and father Mike was.

  Its been a very trying time at my job....our store is surrounded by so much pain and loss these days. Its just staggering to see how many lives have been affected,3 of my co-workers have lost a sister (who died two weeks after back surgery,they don't know why),a mother and a father. Another former co-worker just found out his dad has stage 4 brain cancer....add in the fact that Justin Carlson is still on the front lines in "The Stan",no wonder our morale is just so down. We are banding tight however and just as I wrote,we will have to stand endure this a little longer.

Of course that is relative...I still can't go into Lori's closet or drawers more then 2-3 minutes before I lose it.
  I know I have a long,long way to go....

Got a note from my dear friend Theresa Ingison this week....she said she had something she made as a memorial for Lori and she wanted to drop by. So yesterday she did and dropped off a homemade solar light jar. It has white and pink glass in it and its supposed to shine very brightly. I say supposed only because we have 2 days of thunderstorms and more on the way.




So Theresa tells me that she has hired on a young lady who moved here from Washington state to meet a fellow here in Michigan. Things didn't work out and she soon found herself in deep trouble. She has next to nothing but two dogs. Theresa hired her at her business and the young lady is slowly getting her wheels back under her feet. She just found a room to rent and is trying hard to move forward. Theresa has been guiding her along...she told me this young lady has some medical issues that badly need addressing...while I am no doctor (sorry my "expertise" only runs in cancer and cats),I did pass on a good resource that I,myself,used when I landed here in Michigan (That is how I knew about the school,Theresa *s*). Its a good place and I highly recommended it.
 I hope it works out for this young lady...she sure has a strong spirit. And I was glad I had a chance to return a act of kindness.

  I'm STILL waiting for my guest blogger to come and drop a entry....I guess Jessica must be in New Jersey with a certain Doctor or something along those lines. But I am expecting a very good guest post shortly.

And with that,I'm outta here.....


Oh yeah....one more thing....lunch with Lori's two angels next week.....can't wait!!! Miss you Melanie and Terrie!