It's a beautiful warm summer day in SE Michigan. The cheetah is downstairs looking out through his window,he was waiting for me to come home because he knows its canned catfood night. He was
Got ESPN3 going on the computer listening to the UAPB-Texas State football replay...
Its been a while since I wrote so this might take a while...its been a up and down week.
I turned 50 on 26 August....normally a reason for a celebration with loved ones and friends...but instead the day found me over at St. Thomas a 'Beckett talking to Debbie Miller. It had been three months since I last talked to my regular grief therapist,Becka,from Arbor Hospice. My time with her was only supposed to officially last a year but Becka extended it to 14 months.
Three weeks ago found me in a most difficult time as I was in a bad way and pretty close to walking off this mortal coil. I came out the other side hurting pretty badly but knowing I needed to talk to someone. So I reached out to Debbie and set up a appointment.
Coming into her office,I saw it had been changed around a bit from the last time I had been there.
We started our session and I shared with her where I was at,she seemed to get a little edgy at this and I picked up on this but what could I do? I am just being honest,Lori and my bond was that tight. She asked me a strange question,she asked me if I thought I put myself in that box as she put it.
While that is not the case because as everyone who has lost a spouse or a loved,the journey is different. I do NOT want to sit here in this sadness,if I did,then why is the point of even staying alive? Who desires to live with only half of you being able to function at any level? I thought it was asked with tinge of anger and now I am feeling uncomfortable with this line of questions when Debbie stops the session. She looked past me and said that I wouldn't have know this but her husband had died in May. He had a massive heart attack and had held on for a month before being placed on life support. It was Debbie who had to make the call to let her husband go.
And just like that,it made perfect sense...why the questions,why the anger. I said I was sorry and said I wish I could tell you something,give you some advice but I can't. She said "I am glad,I don't want to hear any advice".
She said "I want to know how are you are going to start moving on". Well my face must have said it all because she retracted that statement and said it wasn't then term she wanted to use.
I said I was glad because I really hate that term and said you will come to detest it as well.
We talked about what plans God has for us,I struggle with that question everyday. There has to be a purpose and some days I see it and other days I simply see nothing. I know this will always be with me or anyone else going through this.
The session for all intent and purposes was over as we talked about what happened to her husband. He complete blockage of one aorta and 95% of the other,Debbie said they call a "widowmaker" as mostly men suffer from this type of heart attack. She mentioned the month after her husband had died,his sister suffered the same type of heart attack but survived. Just another strange twist to the tale.
I must admit,I am surprised,Debbie said she took two months off before coming back to work,that she came back so quickly sort of concerns me a lot. As a pastor of a large parish,the different types of emotions she has to deal with every day is rough as it is but doing so with a such a heavy loss.....I don't know....but I do know I will be doing my part by not going back and instead will look for someone else to talk to.
The rest of the day was nice,was treated to lunch and some running around before coming back home.
Wednesday was another quiet day as I spent the day doing chores. My friend Sue had called the night before to take me to dinner on Wednesday but I suggested we do pizza and watch the first college football game of 2014.
Sue loves football and so it was a easy choice....so that is how we spent my birthday on Wednesday. The game was Abilene Christian at Georgia State. The game was pretty exciting as it came it down to the last 4 seconds before GSU kicked a field goal and won,38-37. It was a fun way to start the season.
Thursday morning saw me getting up pretty early to make the trek into Detroit to meet up with Lori's best friend and bridesmaid,Deb. She surprised me with a ticket to see Derek Jeter's last baseball game against the Tigers.
I caught a ride with Marlene who works downtown and we made it downtown is 45 minutes. Traffic was pretty light and soon enough I was camped out at Tim Horton's drinking coffee. I peeked outside at a park where the annual Detroit Jazz Festival was being set up for the four day holiday. The festival attracts world class musical talent and its also free.
I saw a few musicians walking about,many would be busking later on during the day. I sat back,enjoyed my coffee and people watched until Deb made to downtown.
We walked through downtown and looked at the light rail being built. This truly is what Detroit needs. The roads going through the heart of the city are narrow and cramped and parking downtown can be a circus. The light rail,just as it did in San Jose,will bring relief to those folks heading to a event.
Deb took me to the The Hudson Cafe,a big,airy room which specializes in breakfasts. The food was excellent and very reasonably priced as well. Deb had mentioned that coming here on the weekends was pretty impossible as the lines waiting to get in are pretty long. Well on a early Thursday,the room was only maybe half full and the service was fast and friendly.
We walked towards Comerica Park and soon we saw other fans heading the same way. We stopped at a sports merch place to look at hats....they didn't have any Yankees caps for some reason and the Tiger caps were 35.00,a little rich for my blood.
We came out and finished walking to the ballpark,the crowds weren't too bad at the gate and the mood was pretty festive. There were as many Yankees shirts and jerseys as there were Tiger ones. Deb looked pretty nifty in her Rick Porcello jersey I have to say...it felt strange to see the park in the daylight and also without Lori. She loved baseball and we always had a good time at the games we went to.
Since the game was a "get away" game for the Tigers,there wasn't any infield practice or batting practice as well. We did wait for an hour behind the Yankees dugout hoping for a glimpse of Derek Jeter but other then the pitchers getting their running in,only Chase Headley and Ichiro came out.
The day was perfect and the game was pretty exciting,turned into a pitching duel and Brad Ausmus out managed Joe Giraldi. The Tigers pulled out the game in the bottom of the 9th,3-2.
The battle to escape downtown was the normal Detroit nightmare,narrow roads,crappy drivers and the light construction made it an adventure to get out.
We made it to Michigan Ave. and headed home...as we were,we passed by a location shoot on the Batman/Superman movie being shot at a local deli. Overall it was a very special day and I am extremely thankful to Deb for taking me.
Got home in time to get ready for the college football season opener as San Jose State took on FCS squad North Dakota. Last year I watched the game against Sacramento State and was completely bummed as despite SJSU won,24-0,it was a ugly,boring win. This year,with a new look defense and some real talent running the ball,SJSU took care of business and blew out the Fighting Sioux,42-10.
The passing game needs a lot of work and our best tailback was suspended for this game and the one against 5th ranked Auburn this weekend. The defense was fast and much more effective...plus no real serious injuries. Which is a good thing as the Spartans will need every single player in playing the best team they have seen since played Alabama in 2008. The spread is 31 points so there isn't many who think SJSU can pull off the huge upset.
The game will be broadcast nationally on ESPN 2,hoping for a minor miracle...would be quite a coup to win!!
Joining the gym this week,feel much more into it this time as a couple of others at my work have joined so am hoping to get a good routine going. The city I live in has a nice trail system and they just completed linking up the main trails with the one right by the house.
I actually decided to take my first walk down the new trail this afternoon...got about a quarter mile into it and noticed an overcast sky was turning darker so I decided not to risk it and headed back...just as I got to the Rodger Young,it started sprinkling lightly...drove home in about 5 minutes and as I pulled into my driveway,the heavens opened up and a thunderstorm dropped quite a bit of rain...
Seems like our weather is turning into Florida's weather...hot,humid and then it rains. Could always be worse...be hot with NO rain.
But tomorrow is another day and I will try and walk the trail again.
My friend Brad started something a while ago on his FB page,he started listing 5 good things everyday that occurs in his life,some are small and some are big but he lists something every single day. I always thought it was a neat idea when he first started it but I have to admit,I find it very,very hard to find things to be happy about. Trying to find 5???? I love to but just isn't there yet.
Then a very nice person named Jennifer Blanc-Biehn started a 30 day challenge starting in September and I decided to give it a shot...I started out posting on my FB wall but since I decided to post here instead.
Here is my list so far
I am grateful for my brothers Phillip and Monte. You two have really been so supportive with talking to me at anytime,
I am grateful for my job. The job itself isn't that great but the people I work with kick butt!
I am grateful for my cheetah,Paladin. He has been a joy..he makes me laugh every day on some level.
1. Grateful for my good friend William Clark who I met while starting my first blog.
Not only is he a true fan boy but loves baseball almost as much as I do. I am taking this time to wish him a most happy birthday!!
2. Grateful I have a home to come to. While it can be a lonely place to come home to,its a nice house and I am glad I live in a quiet neighborhood.
3. Grateful for having the passion to read pretty much anything put in front of me. I am not picky on what I read as long as I have a book with me.
1. I am grateful to my friend Michael Hoover (R.I.P.) who let me read his vast collection of books and comics. It was because of Michael,that I became a fanboy.
2. I am grateful to Joe Kelly. It was through Joe that I got my start in the music business. I helped him break down the stage and he got me hired on as a doorman at Marsugi's. He also got me hooked on the Simpsons as well.
3. I am grateful to the hardy daisies that keep coming back to bloom every year.
Its a nice treat to walk outside to a a bushel of flowers solaring in the sun!!
1 Glad that I am getting to join a gym again. The first around wasn't so fun but I think this will be more my speed. What a nice birthday gift!!!
2. Discovering new writers,well at least to me. Read my first Elmer Kelton novel this past week,Kelton was a prolific writer of Westerns. I only discovered him because one of his collections was at my local Dollar Tree.
3. Speaking of Dollar Tree,I am grateful my store has customers who enjoy reading. Because of this,our store has a high turnover rate of books which in turns leads to fresh titles. This isn't always the case at other stores where they have the same old musty books for months on end.
Okay,I am going to post this and hit the hay. Thank you for reading this and feel to drop a comment.
If you are on Twitter,follow me @Jinzo_2400
San Jose State - We believe!
Sue,Cheryl and Deb - Thank you for my birthday week.
Marlene- thank you for letting me Crash sit next weekend!!
Jennifer- thanks for the 30 Day challenge! Its been fun so far!
Hello Kitty - We know you are a cat.
Donna - sending you light and peace
Rome - we got it right with the Rock as Black Adam!! Could be very bad-ass!