Its 7:51 pm
My dearest Lorikitty,
Its now been over 12 hours since you have left for heaven. And as much as I am at peace that you are in the most perfect place,my heart is completely broken. This day has been the longest,saddest day of my life.
I got the call from Arbor Hospice at 7:10 am that you had passed away. I called Al and asked him if he could take me as I didn't trust myself to drive,hard to drive the freeway when your eyes are full of tears.
We got there at 7:45 and they directed me to where you were laying. They had laid you in out so you look even more like a angel. I cried so hard....even now,I can't stop. Just how many tears are in a human body anyways? I told you how much I loved you,how blessed I was that you agreed to share a life,house,cats and dreams with me. I held you so close,I never wanted to let you go...I don't want you to go....my life is empty,you are my life.
I gathered your belongings,including the lovely little angel Theresa gave you and went to the desk I had called McCabes Funeral home before I came,that is where you told me you had called. The hospice nurses said how brave and cheerful you were and we were a great and loving couple. Yes,we are,aren't we?? People have been telling me how much in love we really were,that you can see in our words,deeds and touch.
As we started to leave,I just had to go back....Al understood and waited. I cried some more,kissed your cherry lips once again and left.
Al took me to breakfast and we just talked...small stuff,stories about us mostly. Afterwards,I came home to a empty house...Derek greeted me with a "meow ?",he really knows what is going on....
I called St. Thomas and arranged to meet Debbie,who talked with me and helped me arrange your Mass. I am the one who will be speaking for you because no one knows you like I did. And yes,your "secret" will be finally be revealed...but honestly,I think everyone already knows it.
After many more tears,I went over to the funeral home. There I met Matthew and found out that you had pulled my leg a little bit.
You see,Lori didn't really want to go to the funeral home to plan out her own Mass,she felt it would hasten her day,make it happen faster. She was a little scared of that....so in reality,when I found out she hasn't called,I wasn't surprised.
Matthew and I went over every aspect of your Mass....he was very kind and professional. Its going to be a beautiful funeral,I can assure you of that. What is very disheartening is its going to cost more then I thought,way more. I admit,my chances of holding our house,our dream,is fading. No yard sale or consignment sale is going raise the money needed. But I am going to do this my love. You wanted this summer to be a "beer and burger" summer,well before I have to leave here,I'm going to throw you that party on July 25th in our backyard. I'm inviting anyone who can read this and wants to come....to come celebrate Lori's birthday at our house. Its going to be a joyful event,full of love,laughter and even a beer and a burger.
After signing the contract...Matthew let me visit you again,you looked lovely and so tiny. I cried again...and finally left.
Marlene and Dylan called and offered to take me to dinner at the Red Can Opener. I bought Dylan a Dairy Queen and came home...as you saw,I had made a ton of phone calls to your friends and family. Sherry came over and we talked some more,I'm going to do as you asked and keep a eye on her the best I can.
Brenda called and she was just heartbroken....I don't think she realizes what I'm feeling here. I can't help but feel once we lay you to rest,they are going to walk away from me. Maybe they don't feel I tried my best by you during this three year. You know I did whatever I could to keep you with me,you are my light...why wouldn't I fight? But as folks can see,for the vast majority of time,it was just you and I against this ugly monster called cancer. But the allies we do have!!!! Wouldn't trade them for the world! So completely blessed to have such amazing friends!
May God watch over you all and thank you for coming along on this journey.
I love you so much Lori!